How We Lie to Ourselves

Comments: 554

  • umdesch4
    umdesch4 15 days ago

    Sometimes lies are helpful. I used to believe the lie that if I was a good person, and was confident, outgoing, assertive, funny, and interesting, it wouldn't matter how short, scrawny, and ugly I was...eventually I'd meet a woman who wanted to go out with me.
    Because I kept believing that, I met, and tried to ask out thousands of women. I always put my best foot forward, and made a lot of strangers smile, laugh, and have meaningful conversations with me.
    I'm pretty much an old man now (old enough to reject the idea of being 70 years old with teenaged kids), and I've still never been on a date. But at least I can say I tried my hardest. If I hadn't believed the lies that were told to me, and I told myself, I wouldn't have kept trying as long and as hard as I did, and now I'd have a lot of "what if I hadn't given up?" regret. At least the lies saved me from that.

  • Juan Miguel Retuta
    Juan Miguel Retuta 22 days ago +1

    I often lie to myself that I like something just to make it easier to do well in it. I forced myself to love Physics because I wasn't doing well in class and now that I'm in Engineering, something makes me feel like I don't really belong.

  • Tyler Trapnell
    Tyler Trapnell 26 days ago

    How exactly does one know something we are telling ourselves is a lie or not?

  • Eve Harmon
    Eve Harmon 26 days ago

    hmmm. this vid to me seems rather judgemental itself.

  • Emmanuella Frimpong

    That was so true
    Hit me hard

  • Praachi Bahuguna
    Praachi Bahuguna Month ago

    I was feeling happy before I watched this.

  • ZiemniakPospolity
    ZiemniakPospolity Month ago

    I like these episodes but I really like to listen to your videos and I can't to this series...

  • Account New
    Account New Month ago

    more like you are an immigrant like Melania and you hate other immigrants...

  • Tine Woodbe
    Tine Woodbe Month ago


  • Soldado BS.
    Soldado BS. Month ago +1

    Very good, we really have to be more honest to grow.

  • Official Leotique.
    Official Leotique. Month ago

    a lovely video of our inner thoughts

  • Ross Whitlock
    Ross Whitlock Month ago

    this shit morbidly heals me

  • No name
    No name Month ago

    0:52 come on dude. Put your earphone on -_-

  • Atlanta Baruah
    Atlanta Baruah Month ago

    Oh fuck. I have been calling everything boring for the last few days and you just made me realise that it is actually me who is really being boring. ugh. Life is so difficult

  • Meg Sarbacker
    Meg Sarbacker Month ago

    the maniac happiness one hit me hard. i’ve always thought that i was that kind of crazy happy person and mental illness brings me down, but it honestly might be a coping skill when times get rough because it will come out of the blue

  • pennymac16
    pennymac16 Month ago

    Great points have been made, I like this one. Only the fact that the only addiction that seems to exist on this channel being porn addiction makes me a bit suspicious haha

  • Loopy Snoopy
    Loopy Snoopy Month ago

    Before I'd even watched this video, I noticed I had developed the exact same habits. I would lie to myself about all of these things. And now that I'm watching this, I realized I sort of made it a point not to do these things. In turn, I've come to see that I no longer do a lot of these things. There are moments where (out of habit) I do catch myself in the act and I try to take a moment to just examine what went wrong. But yeah, now that I'm watching this video, I realized I've become so different than what I used to be.

  • Luny & Milky
    Luny & Milky Month ago


  • warcraftnut1354
    warcraftnut1354 Month ago

    Guys, could you start putting the music you use in the description? I'd like to hear that melody many more times.

  • Grandfly7
    Grandfly7 Month ago

    sad squad

  • Kleine rote Serviette

    Your videos are so insightful, I subscribed today. You need much time to digest the videos meaning. I really enjoy it. And the actors in this video do look very sympathetic to me. =)

  • justanopinion toeveryone

    Omg this was hard to catch up

  • Khal. GT
    Khal. GT Month ago

    Love the new presentation form. Better than the flash moving dummies , the are distracting and noisy.
    But also we missed your voice Alan! :(

  • Tim J
    Tim J Month ago

    Where can I find the music to the video?

  • Kesaran Pasaran
    Kesaran Pasaran Month ago

    Please translate Japanese as well

  • Jazz Jizz
    Jazz Jizz Month ago

    But what if the lie prevents us from experiencing a level of pain that is far greater that any benefit we may feel from the self knowledge truth.
    I genuinely love being single. Yet I see that look in folks' eyes, they think I am lying to myself about this. Are we culturally lying to ourselves with this belief that one has to be in a relationship to be happy. The guy towards the end of the film tells us, unconvincingly, that he likes being single and enjoys having his home to himself. This is the only time I've felt confused by 'The School of Life' films.
    We know that humans are social creatures and need company and community, but I think we're buying into some out-dated beliefs if we interpret this need as being the reason for being 'in a relationship'. I consider myself to be fairly self aware, and I know the areas in which I do 'fool' myself. But I'm sure that my happiness in living without a life partner/in a relationship is genuine and not a way to protect myself from pain. I see it more as 'self-love'.
    But if I am lying to myself, and this is merely a way to protect myself from pain, then what is the harm? This happiness far outweighs the happiness that I MAY have within a relationship, because we know that relationship happiness is always tinged with pain and rarely lasts. Is it not better that I learn how to make myself happy. Has School Of Life not taught me to create my own happiness and not depend on others to deliver it?

  • Lukas T
    Lukas T Month ago

    Damn, this taught me that I might be more defensive about many topics than I thought.

  • Juventin
    Juventin Month ago

    1:20 ow ffs, it's been what? 4-5 years and they still haven't broken up?! don't they watch the school of life?

  • Jean jiel
    Jean jiel Month ago

    A few years ago,I discovered I was a filthy liar.Hardly ever lie to others but deceived myself non stop.

  • Mohamed Atef Abouzid

    This video is missing something, it feels incomplete. Like when you make someone relate to these situations, it's not that simple to solve the problem by only recognizing it

  • Luis E Villarroel M

    Incredible material. Thank you guys.

  • DarkWandererAU
    DarkWandererAU Month ago

    Why lie to yourself? If anyone can handle the cold, hard truth of who you are...its yourself.

  • Lilith Scyther
    Lilith Scyther Month ago

    I think it's laughable that we put so much importance on IQ because EQ is much more important in life. IQ tests are garbage, I should know, I have scored high on these kind of tests. They don't define intelligence or talent, it's just a box with a number we get shoved in.

  • Christine Downes
    Christine Downes Month ago

    Maybe the excessively cheery lady was just trying to lighten the mood of all the defensive, censorioius and addicted people around her!

  • alex826
    alex826 Month ago

    I'm working really hard this year trying to understand and improve myself. I spend an awfully large amount of time on introspection and trying to be objective about myself. I quit porn, eat healthier, reduced alcohol and caffeine intake, meditate daily, exercise more, tried dating again after 5 years, try everything that comes my way etc.
    Unfortunately, it hasn't improved how I feel about myself at all. In fact I'm now even more acutely aware of what a pointless human I am. I don't really want to do anything with my life. I have no idea what I want anymore. I think about how glad I'll be to be dead one day. Literally never felt so bad about myself. Ignorance really is bliss.

  • Kavya Krithvi Rajendran


  • Lubomir Harmanovsky

    Guys, you're fantastic in what you're doing. This world needs this information. Thanks.

  • Helgali
    Helgali Month ago

    What a hard video to watch. :/

  • Cata Yo
    Cata Yo Month ago

    Good but those porn sounds. MY VOLUME WAS UP

  • Leyla Mahirah Nor
    Leyla Mahirah Nor Month ago

    Anyone know the title of the background music?

  • triplflip900
    triplflip900 Month ago

    Damn I have definitely known some 2's (manic cheeriness - although I'd like to think of a better descriptor).
    Personally, my biggest one is defensiveness.

  • hopscotch39
    hopscotch39 Month ago

    I'd love to hear testimonials from manic cheery people, as that coping style (?) type is the furthest from my own and not something I understand very well.

  • root
    root Month ago

    u r sex obsessed

  • andeace23
    andeace23 Month ago

    I also like how everyone in the video had a problem

  • andeace23
    andeace23 Month ago

    Wow that manic cheeriness part was eye opening

  • Max Awesom
    Max Awesom Month ago

    oh damn this was uncomfortable to watch

  • Jatin Verma
    Jatin Verma Month ago

    This is this cat
    This is is cat
    This is how cat
    This is to cat
    This is keep cat
    This is an cat
    This is idiot cat
    This is busy cat
    This is for cat
    This is thirty cat
    This is seconds cat
    Now go back and read third word of each sentence ....

  • ADORADOR De jesus
    ADORADOR De jesus Month ago

    school of life carisma

  • Nillabasco E.H.
    Nillabasco E.H. Month ago

    9,000 a year?? More like 20 thousand a year in the states.

  • Alessy Panda
    Alessy Panda Month ago

    i agree with this idea, all points. one thing appart, i do wish the editor/writer hadnt written in "orgy sex" . it could possibly send the message of no means yes. sorry but had to mention. i think a better example would have been anything else. but still, all the points were right on and i appreciate these videos completely

  • csenge varkonyi
    csenge varkonyi Month ago +1

    I always say I love being single, maybe I secretly desire to be in a relationship

  • alexkaapa
    alexkaapa Month ago

    nice! marimekko cup!

  • Shannen Canton
    Shannen Canton Month ago

    I can so relate to the girl talking about how disgusting orgies are holy shit I have to stop myself

  • Pree Dem
    Pree Dem Month ago

    SIMPLIFY YOUR FUCKING WORDING. Apart from that you are an amazing channel.

  • Nazimilian Music
    Nazimilian Music Month ago

    *belügen . (?)

    • Lua Veli
      Lua Veli Month ago

      Die Übersetzung wird automatisch von youtube gemacht. Darum sieht es so komisch aus...Schönen Tag noch :- )

  • Kesh Andrew
    Kesh Andrew Month ago +1

    The School of Life is not thanked enough for such incredible videos.

  • David Schmid
    David Schmid Month ago

    As much as I like your videos, they make me want to commit suicide. It's all so true

  • Lincoln Souphabsila
    Lincoln Souphabsila Month ago +1

    What is the name of the song?

  • Eddie Merkus
    Eddie Merkus Month ago

    We can't know what is real until we stand outside the world as it is.

  • Charles Joseph
    Charles Joseph Month ago

    She's back!

  • Joanna mendoza
    Joanna mendoza Month ago +1

    I had the volume all the way up when the moaning started and my family thought I was watching porn. So embarrassing 😭

  • Oedelin Jean
    Oedelin Jean Month ago +2

    what if you like big butt... and you cannot lie.

  • Lua Veli
    Lua Veli Month ago +4

    1. My mother loves to talk about her prison days in Mecca!
    I am so sorry that she ended up in jail back then, but frankly, it was all her fault. But there is something very charming and interesting about the way she denies it. Of course, the lies we tell ourselves are always more beautiful than the reality they replace.
    So my mother doesn't obey any rules she herself hadn't set. That's why on that journey she didn't care that her visa was expired. She wanted to stay longer , so she did. One day she got assaulted by two thieves.
    Then the police came and the thieves accused my mother of being the thief! She doesn't speak Arabic, so she couldn't defend herself.
    She didn't even had her passport with her so they took her to jail. Imagine to be locked up in a foreign country where you don't know anybody! Besides, she had no idea how long she was going to stay there.
    But she was convinced that it was all organised by God, for her to have the experience, to meet the people there, to suffer, to endure and to prove her faith to Him no matter what disasters life brings.
    Some days later a man from the Turkish embassy visited her in prison. She explained to him that she was innocent. And when he asked her how she was doing she said:
    " I am very fine. I am observing the people here."
    Two weeks later she got out, escorted by the police to the airport and sent back home to Turkey.
    Imagine how humiliating all this can be, for a woman in her sixties.. But she went through all that like the hero of a drama extra written for her by God.
    Unfortunately I am not a believer, but I do envy all the possibilities of consolation, that the believers have. My mother will never have to ask:
    " Why me ?".
    Instead she will firmly say:
    " Precisely me" , because God wanted it for me.
    Oh and in my case, I could only say: " Why NOT me ? Anything can happen to me anytime....And as Seneca says: A ship may also sink at the port...."
    Well, indeed, if it doesn't hurt anybody, sometimes, it may be alright to avoid the truth. I would never recommend my mother my approach. If a person successfully deludes herself, and you have nothing better to offer her instead, you may also let that be. Of course on this channel there is a great lesson on this subject too:
    " Can lying ever be kind"
    In some strange cases like my mother's, this may even apply to the lies we tell ourselves...
    2. And here is the joke I love the most on this subject:
    " So there is this guy who suspects that his wife cheats on him. He hires a private detective to find out what's going on. After one week of a business trip he comes back and asks to the detective:
    - So what have you seen?
    - Sir, the first day when you were gone, your wife met this very handsome young man. And then they went to a fancy restaurant. After that they went to see a movie. After the movie, late at night, they went to your place , right to your bedroom. Then they hugged each other.
    - And then ??
    - Then they closed the curtains.
    So the husband says:
    - God damn it! You pay a fortune to a private detective and even then, you can't be absolutely sure!!
    3. The best cure for this is Alain de Botton's "Philosophical Meditation". You must watch the video they have made about it.
    Sorry that this comment got out of control and became too long :- )
    Thank you for this very valuable lesson!

  • burgerischeap
    burgerischeap Month ago +1

    3:50 be happy man at least she did not say "is it because you are a male and I am a female"

  • burgerischeap
    burgerischeap Month ago +4

    this is sick, like too much overcomplicating life! take it easy folks, let people live natural how they are

  • capamb389
    capamb389 Month ago

    This hurts

  • Elynnewith2N
    Elynnewith2N Month ago

    damn it, it's been a long time frankly said, but this is brilliant

  • Elizabeth Isabelle
    Elizabeth Isabelle Month ago

    5:07 i am that guy

  • Aalap D
    Aalap D Month ago

    This is the worst dinner party in all of history.

  • Geoff Bournes
    Geoff Bournes Month ago

    Yeah.. I see it in people especially the defense part. It does take ove the ENTIRE space in the conversation. I just leave people to learn and SEE just like I have to. I stopped lying to MYSELF a WHILE ago. I love change too much for that. People REALLY don't want to HEAR the truth anyway even when they say they do

  • Bache
    Bache Month ago

    Your most important video yet..., imo. And I'm a big fan who finds alot of the work produced here critical.

  • KeyMan
    KeyMan Month ago Video Indirme Linki

  • Odin
    Odin Month ago

    "Wear your headphones befor playing the video"

  • Magnus Error
    Magnus Error Month ago

    Im glad that I was born not really having many problems. I dont as far as I can tell lie to myself with this sort of stuff. My friend is the same.

  • TrustZ
    TrustZ Month ago

    I love this video. But, I have one flaw with it. As I do love to hear the truth of our flaws, I also appreciate knowing how to fix them. After all, this is the "school" of life.

  • MilkPudding
    MilkPudding Month ago

    I think the example to no. 4 is being unfair.

  • John Thomson
    John Thomson Month ago

    Thanks for calling out these lies. Well done.

  • donnysoul
    donnysoul Month ago

    wtf was just watching porn then saw this video

  • Namjoon's Ryan Pajamas

    Sometimes I know exactly what I'm lying to myself about and why but I do it anyways

  • Athena botbol
    Athena botbol Month ago

    9,000 a year... Americans are jealous

  • Tomas Maldonado
    Tomas Maldonado Month ago

    School of Life, thank you for using proper grammar.

  • Parnian
    Parnian Month ago

    So the girl who finds group sex weird is really hiding how much she really likes to experience that?! Come on school of life you’re better than that!

  • Lukas Oberfrank
    Lukas Oberfrank Month ago

    As always, great video. Especially in this one, I think the chosen piece of music fits perfectly.

  • John Martin
    John Martin Month ago

    What if the people who made this video were lying to themselves? And in pretending to help other people were merely setting out to prove themselves superior to their victims.

  • Colin Lyons
    Colin Lyons Month ago

    This video lacks any human 🎉 to make it fun. It comes off as highly cold and academic. Look at The Big Short in terms of how to make complex ideas entertaining to watch.

    • Colin Lyons
      Colin Lyons Month ago

      Mario_MarioPlushGUY obviously

    • Mario_MarioPlushGUY
      Mario_MarioPlushGUY Month ago +1

      Colin Lyons Perhaps you're just not sophisticated enough to fully understand the video.

  • Sofía Hourcade
    Sofía Hourcade Month ago

    Music by?

  • DJ Joe
    DJ Joe Month ago

    Ok a couple of questions 1 how do you know if you're lying to yourself and if you are how do you stop it

    • LoveAndSnapple
      LoveAndSnapple Month ago

      Maybe when you speak a statement but your feelings say otherwise. And within those feelings you feel twinges, a disharmony, a discord that what you're saying doesn't mirror how you feel. To stop it you have to be honest with yourself and realize that you are an imperfect being. You will never be perfect, but it would help to start living in your truth.

  • Sean Burton
    Sean Burton Month ago

    This has been the most relevant, beautiful and brutally honest thing I've seen to date.

  • anywherein12seconds
    anywherein12seconds Month ago +2

    The School of Life is a huge step forward in human society. It teaches us all the important things that public institutions failed to.

  • Michael De Santa
    Michael De Santa Month ago +2

    Damn! Everybody looked at me when those porn noises began, and I had to explain that its just an School Of life video

  • Stuart
    Stuart Month ago

    I know this will sound arrogant, but I see a lot of these traits in the people I hang around with and not in myself. I couldn't really find much to relate to in this video other than the fact it was a hell of an awkward gathering lol

  • Stuart
    Stuart 2 months ago

    I don't watch porn to lie to myself about anything, I watch porn because I'm single lmao. I'm FULLY aware of that fact too, so it's all good.

  • Lexie Liben
    Lexie Liben 2 months ago

    When you think you are going to watch an educational video but then 30 seconds in there are porn sounds and you gotta very quickly lower your sound lmao

  • Fernando Romera
    Fernando Romera 2 months ago

    These theatrical performances are my favourite content in the channel.

    M. HUMMADI 2 months ago

    now that's what i cal PRODUCTIVE ENTERTAINMENT.

  • Carlos M.Aliaga
    Carlos M.Aliaga 2 months ago

    Enlightening !

  • jaik Duhamel
    jaik Duhamel 2 months ago

    why group sex as an example ?!

    • Lua Veli
      Lua Veli Month ago

      Hi Jaik. Thanks a lot for taking the time. You are right, it is alright to feel disgusted, of course. I gave the wrong example. But still, if you watch that part again, she even says that it is " abuse of power" which is absurd. I grew up in a super strickt Muslim family and I am not into that kind of stuff either. But still, I don't have a super strong emotional reaction to it. If some people are into it and if nobody is hurt, it is all fine.
       Oh thank you for the information. Alain is the person from whom I have learnt the most on earth. I have read most of his books including " How to think more about sex".
      If you wish, just watch his speech on that book. There is nothing perverse or disturbing in it. I thought it was a very wise and tender book.
      Have a nice weekend.

    • jaik Duhamel
      jaik Duhamel Month ago

      Hi Lua, first thanks for taking time to answer :)
      Well as I see you're not familiar with Alain de Botton works and books. My
      question is rhetorical I wasn't expecting an answer ,but since you brought
      it I have a to say that I disagree with your point that "When you
      overreact to something, it is a sign that your reaction is more about an
      unexamined issue within you" the example here is very sensitive you
      know , and it was made on purpose she can be disgusted and still be
      totally normal disgust is a natural human feeling especially if a
      subject challenges our believe or vision of things then our brain get
      alerted and we get overwhelmed agitated angry , and through this feelings
      we get to a conclusion either accepting or rejecting and closing the
      file, the Unnatural is to be cold vis a vis ideas and situations that
      challenge us and that's not normal because it doesn't give a chance for
      self-growth and it's a bit unhuman, you should read Alain de Botton and his philosophy of
      sexual liberation that's why i disliked the subjectivity of the example, btw he's the founder of the school of life .

    • Lua Veli
      Lua Veli Month ago

      Hello Jaik. The example by itself isn't so important you know. They just used it to show us the girl's over-reaction to it. She could have simply said that she herself is not into that, but it is alright if other people are. Instead, she kept talking about how disgusting and meaningless it is etc. When you over -react to something, it is a sign that your reaction is more about an unexamined issue within you, rather than the issue that is being discussed. I guess that was the point.
      Have a nice weekend :- )

  • Alvaroeduardo
    Alvaroeduardo 2 months ago

    I needed this. Thanks

  • honifit
    honifit 2 months ago

    Very helpful and insightful. I'm always trying to learn about myself, I do lie to myself but I usually end up at some point facing my truth.