The Meatocalypse Has Arrived

  • Published on Oct 28, 2015
  • Vegetarians are doing a victory lap after it was announced that hot dogs contain human DNA and all processed meats cause cancer, but Stephen has some bad news for them, too.
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  • EntertainmentEntertainment

Comments • 2 847

  • Scott Carlass
    Scott Carlass 6 hours ago

    I'm a vegetarian (mostly, not a big fan of wasting food, though) and I approve of this Colbert!!

  • Victor M
    Victor M 7 days ago

    Now there's findings about eggs:

  • Uaine Diabhal
    Uaine Diabhal 12 days ago

    We love you Stephen

  • 刘宇龙
    刘宇龙 20 days ago


  • Nolo Rosales
    Nolo Rosales 2 months ago

    This felt like a Colbert Report clip. I miss the old guy.

  • Buddhadiane28
    Buddhadiane28 3 months ago

    As a vegan I loved his teasing of us vegetarians/vegans! 😂😂😍😍😂😂😍😍🐖🐷🐖🐕🐵

  • Haseeb Ahmed
    Haseeb Ahmed 3 months ago

    If my miscalculations are correct and 2/3rds of vegetarian hot dogs are human, then vegetarians are cannibals. This is how the zombie apocalypse will start

  • Jace Cavacini
    Jace Cavacini 4 months ago

    I suppose Stephen will eventually die of some kind of meat-related heart disease...

  • Alex Scher
    Alex Scher 4 months ago

    Mmm, Bacon

  • Meh Jones
    Meh Jones 4 months ago

    The float down to breakfast joke about his teens killed it

  • Amaya Luzon
    Amaya Luzon 4 months ago

    He's a vegan now :P

  • Adam Osborne
    Adam Osborne 4 months ago

    Stephen is clearly having way too much fun with this bit.

  • Quentin Lahure
    Quentin Lahure 5 months ago

    Ouch, laughing at cancer is never a good idea, even if your one of the lucky ones who never gets it, your going to know someone who will

    DRETUBE9 5 months ago

    It’s funny now. But in the future looking back on it, it will be absolutely disgusting and Colbert will be embarrassed.

  • Ken Olsen
    Ken Olsen 5 months ago

    Ummm Bay con. Thank you z eric Forman

  • A W
    A W 5 months ago

    Do you really want to extend your life if you can’t eat, say, do for the most part what you want ?
    Me not so much

  • Tom Hsia
    Tom Hsia 5 months ago +1

    God, I miss the times when John Oliver and Stephen Colbert just talked about random topics and not Trump...

  • Abhishek Singh
    Abhishek Singh 5 months ago

    You are roasting vegans but when you will meet Ellen you would start buttering right away.

  • Abhishek Singh
    Abhishek Singh 5 months ago

    I don't think you have ever tasted good vegetarian meal, you are all right about meat but there are vegetarian cuisines that would blow your mind. Start with Indian vegetarian thalis.

  • HI Media
    HI Media 5 months ago

    There is a non-zero chance that Stephen Colbert gets high with his sons in the morning

  • OldRaver1
    OldRaver1 5 months ago

    I had cancer in 2015 when this was announced.. I still love bacon, just don’t eat smoked or super crispy bacon... but my 11 year old not only refuses to eat bacon, but he gets upset if I eat it now! (understandable I guess)
    Trying to teach him the danger is in the smoking process and eating carbon (burnt bits), but he is adamant.
    Makes me proud and sas at the same time... I love bacon. But I can definitely see the time coming when we stop eating pork, full stop.

  • Do My Nails
    Do My Nails 6 months ago

    You just stopped to smack your lips. Do you have a bad taste in your mouth?

  • ޓކހރ-ލއއބޚ
    ޓކހރ-ލއއބޚ 6 months ago

    I really miss Steven before he wiped all of the Colbert Report off of himself.

  • DarkReyven619
    DarkReyven619 6 months ago

    As a vegetarian, this is STILL HILARIOUS! I love this man!💜

  • Zokizzy Foshizzy
    Zokizzy Foshizzy 6 months ago

    Insects are the future, meat-lovers! Large animal farming is not sustainable and will continue to decline because we keep wasting forests and water on raising/feeding the animals. In the coming decades, a $10 steak today will cost you $60 tomorrow. Insects have more protein per weight and are much more economic to farm.

  • Kiki Jewell
    Kiki Jewell 6 months ago

    Wait, 10% of veggie hotdogs contain meat, but 2/3 contain human DNA? Not human meat, then? :)

  • Bethesda Boy
    Bethesda Boy 6 months ago

    Dear god, who eats vegie hotdogs? I tried them once. I'd rather eat dirt. I mean, it's the lowest quality meat, reduced in quality by being meatless. Do the math. Just the opinion of a vegan that is willing to admit that bbq ribs are the pinnacle of flavor.

  • David Edwards
    David Edwards 6 months ago

    A more troubling thought is, this cured meat you speak of...what was it cured of?

  • Constant Chaos
    Constant Chaos 6 months ago

    Tofu can lead to cancer and breast growth in males

  • ian
    ian 6 months ago

    Vegetarian is an old Indian word it's means "can't hunt"

  • Patricia McGeorge
    Patricia McGeorge 6 months ago

    I'm kosher, so....

  • Talis Meiji
    Talis Meiji 6 months ago +1

    Hell, bacon smells almost as good as it tastes, so the second hand smoke would be delicious.

  • Norway Minnesota
    Norway Minnesota 6 months ago

    I was full-on sobbing because of how incredibly awful my life is... then I turned this video on and now I a blubbering fool because you are so freaking funny!

  • Ben Arnona
    Ben Arnona 6 months ago

    As a rule of thumb I don't trust any study like this because of a single factor. It's going to change by the end of the year.

  • bosskaggs
    bosskaggs 7 months ago

    What do you call a Vegan who has diarrhea? A salad shooter.

  • JD Whitworth
    JD Whitworth 7 months ago

    This show was much better before all the jokes were about Trump

  • Caitlin Brewer
    Caitlin Brewer 8 months ago

    He seems like he has a lot of aggression to work out

  • Alex May
    Alex May 8 months ago

    They said processed meats cause cancer, not meat itself. They probably meant nitrates, since they are the ones turning cancerogenic after being heated up.
    The Big Meat just needs to get rid of that preservative and find a healthier option or give us the possibility to buy fresh meat products.

  • Fact: Beagles Are Best
    Fact: Beagles Are Best 8 months ago

    I’m glad I don’t enjoy bacon.

  • suriya cho
    suriya cho 8 months ago

    man i miss Stephen Colbert before this presidency

  • Raphael
    Raphael 9 months ago

    Fucking hell Colbert used to be so good, when it wasn't 100% political jokes. Haha we get it Trump jokes were funny, but you might as well rename the late show to what did trump tweet today.

  • daniel job
    daniel job 9 months ago

    Thanks for the ad idea!
    'Soylent Green Sausages - does not contain 2% human DNA'
    More like 100%! Bwahaha!

  • Valkyrie612
    Valkyrie612 9 months ago

    Somehow "Bringing home the Tofu" doesn't sound nearly as good as "Bringing home the bacon".

  • Anders Püschel
    Anders Püschel 10 months ago

    What amount of human DNA did they find? Cause I imagine if someone has handled the sausages or whatever with their bare hands they will have left some human DNA on them, but that's hardly the same as them containing human meat (which it what Stephen reads into that particular result).

  • Anders Püschel
    Anders Püschel 10 months ago

    Pure beef hamburgers aren't processed, other than that the meat they're made of has been ground.

  • Anders Püschel
    Anders Püschel 10 months ago

    As UK comedian Gary Delaney once said, pigs in blankets are just visiting relatives sleeping in your spare room.

  • Jess Stuart
    Jess Stuart 10 months ago

    Like so many other things, if you over-do it, then it becomes unhealthy. You probably don't want to eat bacon, or sausage, or donuts, or pancakes, or biscuits&gravy, every morning for breakfast. But once a month isn't going to hurt you. All things in moderation is a proven life strategy.

  • Matt-Man
    Matt-Man 10 months ago

    Smoking bacon from a pipe.
    Colbert in that moment is, without a doubt, a 100% Grade A badass American! And I will fight anyone who thinks otherwise! ;)

  • Wild Vegan Child
    Wild Vegan Child 10 months ago

    Very funny Colbert! Very funny

  • Inglorious Basterd
    Inglorious Basterd 11 months ago

    Monsanto has taken care of those smug Vegetarians along with g.m.o's

  • Maddy B
    Maddy B 11 months ago

    And now he's vegan

  • Sorc Erer
    Sorc Erer Year ago +3

    As a vegan, I loved this!

  • etcetra etcetra
    etcetra etcetra Year ago

    This meat segment is one of the best in the series so far....

    K.A. GORDON Year ago

    Usually he talks like an intelligent guy..this is the first time I saw him imitate an ignorant fuktard...and the last time too. Unsubscribed...Im better off watching John Oliver..I doubt he could be as stupid no matter how hard he tried. But if he does get cancer in the future...I hope he laughs about it too because I will be laughing my ass off how he shows his audience how to do the opposite of what is the healthy way to eat and then faces the consequences of it. Lets hope his kids are smarter than him.

  • Do My Nails
    Do My Nails Year ago

    How many comebacks say I? let me count the ways. I could go on forever. OMG OMG LMAO ROFL peeing, pooping, just stop, I can't I'm messaging my kids right now, is this racist? Mawwy mimi does these wesippees have shooga in dem? what about IBS? Or IBD? Or CIDP? Or collioitis? scolohlyshit? or just STOp. I'm kweyeing. Is it soup yet? And that's just the trailer? Has Dady jon scene this?or snl? you loooque mahhvaluss pleeese schtop, no don't schtop, no schtopp bob new hard i love you and jst dimples. you rock

  • Consider The Wildflowers

    "You know that time you tasted something flavorful?" *blood drains out of my face*

  • Avon Pendragon
    Avon Pendragon Year ago

    'Whoa, that's too much bacon" SAID NO PERSON EVER!

  • Khris Middleton
    Khris Middleton Year ago

    fuck you

  • De Co
    De Co Year ago

    To vegans/vegetarians, nothing against you but why do you think we are omnivores :3

  • KDCalifornia panther

    That was insanely funny 🤣

  • N Corp
    N Corp Year ago +1

    meat causes cancer...studies have been showing this for decades. I just moved to the midwest and the majority of my neighbors have cancer and heart's the dairy and meat.

    • John Smith
      John Smith 10 months ago +1

      No Name Be gone vegan liar!

  • Jamestown
    Jamestown Year ago

    Awhile ago I watched a Hank Green video where he tried to make me feel guilty about eating meat. Now I make a point to eat at least one animal product a day out of spite.

  • Morgan
    Morgan Year ago

    Meat eaters often don't realize how self righteous they're being. They ascribe self righteous words to vegetarians even when they aren't there. I've known people that are vegetarian but have mentioned it to others only when strictly relevant to being served a meal. There are still meat eaters who will jump into some diatribe about them being self righteous, caring about animals more than people, etc (clearly not realizing the irony).
    I get it though because people that are vegetarians for the animals are making a moral judgement. Any moral judgement comes with some level of righteousness. Imagine you were against beating children (or anything that you think is wrong) and the rest of society was not against it. If you told someone that you did not beat your children, that person would likely get defensive. They might say that you had no right to tell them what to do with their family, that you were self righteous, that you weren't doing parenting right or that you just didn't do it because you weren't a parent, that you were a 'pussy' etc. Their diatribe would often sound self righteous even if you just made a simple single statement that you didn't beat children. That's because that simple statement that you decline to participate in something because you believe it is wrong makes them feel judged for doing that thing. If you said that you didn't hit kids because it made your back problems worse, you wouldn't hear a peep though.
    This reaction to a moral stance best applies to stances where other people have some buried feeling that they actually are doing something wrong. If a group declared a moral stance against wearing green, people would just think it was silly. Most probably wouldn't bother to start arguments over it, they'd just maybe poke a bit of fun. People do get into arguments over vegetarianism because they feel defensive about contributing to a system that runs on suffering and death.
    Of course there are vegetarians that argue with others that eating meat is wrong and there are vegetarians that don't. Unless the vegetarian specifies that they are not a vegetarian for moral reasons, many meat eaters are going to get defensive either way.
    On a different note, why is there so much human in (faux) meat?

  • DB 40
    DB 40 Year ago

    He went into his "Colbert" character here...

  • ElleV Pavan
    ElleV Pavan Year ago

    top level stupid

  • Brian Knickerbocker

    Vegies aren't even good for you, Monsanto has poisoned it.

  • Rebecca Curtis
    Rebecca Curtis Year ago

    This is hilarious. I'm vegan so I'm all for meatless everything but this guy is awesome haha

  • J N
    J N Year ago

    This guys a moron. Ignorant and uneducated buffoon... talking shit, making sheeple laugh in a bid to cover up real life dangers within the food industry.. smart man! Doesn't have a clue what he's saying and the crowd sit their and soak it up 😂

  • Black Moon
    Black Moon Year ago

    At least vegan can say they have no interest in other animals but holes.

  • Julie G
    Julie G Year ago

    I've been vegetarian for 20 years, recently became vegan. I know we get a really bad rap. I read that article about processed meat on a vegan site, and read lots of vindictive comments from fellow vegheads. But I swear from the bottom of my tofu-loving heart that we're not all like that! And it goes both ways. A chef in the UK recently resigned from her restaurant after bragging about "spiking" a vegan's meal with real cheese. Thank goodness there were no serious allergy attacks reported. So everyone, be nice to each other. :-)

    • De Co
      De Co Year ago

      I really dont get vegetarians or vegans, nothing wrong with that, but Im gunna stick to staying an omnivore and eat meat and on occasion green beans, sweet peas, broccoli, tomatoes, cherries, ect lol

  • Linn Davis
    Linn Davis Year ago

    Watching this now two years later -- this is still one of the best Late Show desk segments yet. I love how, as he's reading, he seems to find what appears on the teleprompter as funny as the audience does.
    Also, funny to see how the writing style at this stage of the show is still so influenced by the old show. The whole first two sentences. The starting with "folks," the mock-disingenuous "I don't like to like to talk about myself that much" that only works if the character talking is the pompous Character, and the "long time viewers of last night's show" -- that's all pulled straight from the Report repertoire, that by 2017 he and the writers had entirely moved away from.

  • Nikolas Acosta
    Nikolas Acosta Year ago

    Stephen as a carnivore i genuinly appreciated that. Thankyou for that😂😂😂

  • Barbara Neary
    Barbara Neary Year ago

    awe, dogmatic denial

  • Leonardo Da Vinci

    Go vegan mothafukas!

  • Feline Vegan
    Feline Vegan Year ago

    Disgraceful. I don't care if this is comedy, making fun of the innocent victims of slaughter is downright cancerous in of itself. He'll be eating his words someday.

  • Carlos Pelaez
    Carlos Pelaez Year ago

    Stick that 🌭to your 🥝vegetarian 🌱 ppl 👌🏿

  • Sally Bowles
    Sally Bowles Year ago

    dear Stephen, I love you so much but leave vegetarians and vegans alone

  • An Than Van Man Tan

    The sad meat news that keeps on comin'?

    Sounds like my sex life...

  • Yoda
    Yoda Year ago

    Steve you rock! 😝😅😉

  • A.T. Schlesinger
    A.T. Schlesinger Year ago

    Vegetarian: From a Cherokee words that means "lousy hunter." --Robin Williams

  • Average Adventures

    Preface: I think Stephen I hysterical, love him, for the most part. But he can fuck with this. Stop encouraging ignorant dismissal of health facts. Also, good to know about the veggie dogs, now I know TO STOP CONSUMING THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE BAD FOR ME. see, learned something new, changed my habits accordingly. Not blindly sticking to old habits out of stubbornness and convince.

  • lecter m
    lecter m Year ago

    i really hope that... some day.... for no reason at all... they put TOFU DOGS ARE PEOPLE!!! as a Battlecry in some shooter/action game... any game... Call of Duty... World or Warcarft... But this one, with Stephen's voice... that would be so great xDDD

  • Sera Blackstone
    Sera Blackstone Year ago

    Seems like the stories of the Russian Mafia getting rid of bodies by grinding them up in their meat packing plants may not be so apocryphal after all. >.

  • Spaz Matic
    Spaz Matic Year ago

    I love food. Pork is may be fine, ham is now a four letter word, bacon is good, and beef is only good when its not in latin or gangster. However, He kind of went off on a tangent with the "processed" meat thing. It said "processed", not smoked. Smoked is not processed. Facts, people, facts.

  • A Raad
    A Raad Year ago


  • RelativelyEdgar
    RelativelyEdgar Year ago

    Haha I love being vegan because some of us are so pretentious. It’s hilarious. But it’s true we all secretly hate other humans and enjoy their suffering.

  • Leslie Sauceman
    Leslie Sauceman Year ago

    Lol he almost gagged!

  • Fritz Fondona
    Fritz Fondona Year ago

    Soilent Bacon lol

  • Luna Azule
    Luna Azule Year ago

    Living is the main cause of death.

  • Jono Esquirryl
    Jono Esquirryl Year ago

    Vegetarians have nothing 2 be smug about; veganism is where it's at 2day.

  • Øystein A.
    Øystein A. Year ago

    oh shit... Now to find out if my brand of veggie hotdogs is filled with cum :(

  • Nilrebave
    Nilrebave Year ago +2

    So this is what we talked about before Trump.

  • Jonathan Fesmire, Steampunk Author

    It's not red meat. It's PROCESSED meats. Silly vegetarians.

  • **
    ** Year ago +2

    Haha this segment was perfection. Vegetarians can never stop talking about being vegetarians so hopefully this shut them the f- up for awhile.. 🙈🙉🙊😁

  • Immanuel K.
    Immanuel K. Year ago


  • Gorazd Vahen
    Gorazd Vahen Year ago

    This is so sad to watch. Thump saved The Late Show. That is our silver lining.

  • Chewie316
    Chewie316 Year ago

    Bacon tastes good, so see you in the afterlife.

  • Dali
    Dali Year ago +1

    God...I miss the time before Trump, when this shit was news.

  • Dak Lamerbusch
    Dak Lamerbusch Year ago

    If there is anything more American that smoking bacon, then I don't want to hear about it.

  • Grimwolf
    Grimwolf Year ago +3

    In other news, 100% of people who develop cancer breathe oxygen. Ergo, oxygen causes cancer.