How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

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  • Published on Apr 12, 2018
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    People-pleasing behavior, while ostensibly pleasant, causes enormous difficulties for us, especially in relationships and in love. We need to grow better able to disappoint others, and to stop fearing calamity when we do so.
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    FURTHER READING
    “Being someone who pleases people sounds, on the face of it, like a very good idea. But it is a pattern of behaviour riddled with problems, as much for the perpetrator as for their audience; the people-pleaser is someone (who might at times be oneself) who feels they have no option but to mould themselves to the expectations of others, and yet, harbours all manner of secret and at points dangerous reservations and resentments. They act like the perfect lover when their real feelings are far darker; they give their assent to plans they hate; and they confuse everyone around them by failing to express, in due time, with the requisite courage, their authentic needs and ambitions...”
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Comments • 968

  • The School of Life
    The School of Life  11 months ago +201

    Are you a people pleaser? Let us know in the comments below or on our app: bit.ly/2JFp7Ev

    • Sunaina Rao
      Sunaina Rao Month ago

      Absolutely yes, i relate to it entirely. I am truly TERRIFIED by the displeasure of others. But what should the first step be to overcome this fear?

    • bill lucas
      bill lucas 2 months ago

      No I like myself, I have too much to time to please others

    • Celton Gerilla
      Celton Gerilla 2 months ago

      Yes, I am and please I need help to overcome and remove this behavior. 😢😢😢 Because there is part of my mind and my heart who is saying that I still want to please for my broken relationship to my ex-gf. 🙁 However there is also a part of me who is fighting to let go already.

    • Omega Man
      Omega Man 3 months ago

      Your voice sounds like a people pleaser.

    • Michael Lazarou
      Michael Lazarou 5 months ago +1

      Yes and it's awful. I have to hide my personal needs and wants, and other people's needs are my priority. It sucks because I might want to stay home and read a book or draw but if a friend asks me "Can we go out today" I have to say yes.A girl has been Flirting with me lately, and I don't like her (I'm also gay) but I don't want to hurt her, so everytime she asks for a hug or she wants me to call her... I have to... I don't like this, If I had a penny for every time I said yes instead of what I really wanted to say, I would be a millionaire

  • pikachuiswatchingyou

    I'm am not a people pleaser at all. But at some point my friends were making fun of how cheap and strict I was about everything. Then I started to lie and act cool and chill. Now I feel very bad because I can't go back to my real behaviour without causing trouble...

  • Constantine Grey

    I see the benefits to pleasing people but it shouldn't be done often.

  • TheFaithy20
    TheFaithy20 3 days ago

    I love the voice over... It makes me calm and the way he reads is on point ❤️

  • Counting Down the Days Until I Marry Ben Hardy

    i’m a people pleaser. i always try to fix myself or change an intense habit about myself so nobody thinks i’m weird or i cause them displeasure. today in my musical theater class, we did evaluations. someone said i always hold my bag. i went beet read and almost cried because the whole performance i was trying not to look anywhere else but the wall and i was trying to do my best. it sucked
    and the thing is, since i always have my feelings bottled up, that bottle might overflow. and i crack. i go insane, and i yell, i cry, etc. and even when i crack, i feel bad when someone gets mad at me

  • Yo Yoyo
    Yo Yoyo 5 days ago

    If you behave like a people pleaser you'll bring out the worst in other people. Also nothing will ever be your fault or responsibility and you'll always blame others for everything and love play victim. People pleasers have a weird idea that they are very virtuous and righteous people where they simply lack the ability to set the right boundaries and do the right,practical thing in face of minor difficulty. Very dangerous people to be around who should never be in position of medium to high responsibility..Very deluded people

  • Joyce Chua
    Joyce Chua 5 days ago

    The animation gives me The Little Prince vibes.

  • Anaelle Sbn
    Anaelle Sbn 6 days ago

    I feel like a huge weight just disappeared from my shoulders...

  • Melanie Misakian
    Melanie Misakian 11 days ago

    Hitting hard

  • chi shaoyi
    chi shaoyi 13 days ago

    这人心理阴暗,讲的总是狗屁不通的东西,其实是某种邪教。。cult.......

  • triptych lights
    triptych lights 14 days ago

    Hi School of life, and school of life followers,
    I've re watched this video over a period of months, well ever since it got published. I felt confused. Cause I knew I needed to understand the message in the video, but I was still decoding what it meant inside my heart.
    I want to say thank you for creating these videos, school of life. Because it makes me believe I can do it! I should recommend mindfulness to anyone wanting to look into people pleasing patterns, cause it helped me to introspect. To cut down the inner tree of 'walking on eggshells' that was rooted so strongly in my being. I don't think anyone should live with such horrible anxiety, like I felt.
    School of life has played a huge part in my life, stepping towards liberation and a pleasant life.
    thank you so much!
    Sending everyone good vibes!

    Ilse, 33, from the Netherlands

  • CodeWizart LLc
    CodeWizart LLc 16 days ago

    So true...

  • Constipated Bowels
    Constipated Bowels 18 days ago +1

    Looked like the "father" was jerking some invisible cock...!!...

  • mightybear
    mightybear 19 days ago +1

    It took me a long time to realize how much I depended on others validation and happiness to be happy myself. I grew up with past sexual trauma and a depressive mother who I never felt I could share anything with, exactly like the video said, fearing I would make things worse. This video was really helpful, but I'm still figuring out the 'hows' of getting out of this pattern. I guess its mainly just awareness and practice.

  • Louisa Clark
    Louisa Clark 20 days ago +1

    I stop being a people pleasure from now on.
    I suffered a lots because of being that kind of f***ng person.

  • Elle Maisuradze
    Elle Maisuradze 26 days ago +1

    nothing has ever in my life described me better

  • MissSushi123
    MissSushi123 29 days ago +2

    I was always raised to be extremely friendly and polite to others. I think sometime during my primary school years it became to the point where people would bully me because i was 'too nice', and some of my friends would suddenly not talk to me. Even during high school years, alot of people took this for granted and almost manipulated me to the point that I was so afraid to say otherwise, out of fear that they would yell at me and leave me. Slowly learnt during university years that everyone is different and you can't get everyone to be friendly to you, but it still lies deep inside me.

  • Nathanus Abelus
    Nathanus Abelus Month ago

    It may also sound brutal, but you have destroy those who try to mould you into the expectations of others. Destruction in a productive manner, not violent. The word destructive can quite easily carry a violent/negative connotation.

  • Marmalade Stex1591
    Marmalade Stex1591 Month ago

    People Pleasers who try way too Hard can be Very Annoying!,For Example on Public Transport Late Afternoon/Early Evening(ish) sometimes there is a Chilled Vibe with Calm Quiet people who had their Day & trying to Unwind & then You can Spot an Overly People Person trying Desperately to grab anyone's Attention & catch anyone's Eye so they can Loudly Talk their Boring Drivel!,Just because People are out in Public doesn't Automatically mean they want to Converse with Everybody as they Probably already have a Busy Social interaction System!.

  • AlbShadoW
    AlbShadoW Month ago +1

    I stopped pleasing others and i can breath and laugh again like i used to do.

  • Sammi
    Sammi Month ago +1

    personally I try to be nice as possible just so i won’t be alone. I guess as a kid i was always the weird kid and now I’m in high school where I’m basically popular...and early childhood just gave me anxiety and insecurity. I just made sure I made people happy and if someone doesn’t like me I was desperate to try to get them to like me again. I gotta learn.

  • caffeineadddiction
    caffeineadddiction Month ago +2

    Having low self-esteem/no self-worth, social anxiety and being a people pleaser/pushover/doormat might be signs of childhood emotional neglect. Did your mother provide basic needs, such as, food and shelter, but fail to provide love, warmth, physical affection, an emotional bond? A loving mother helps build the child's identity, a neglectful one might lead to people pleasing behavior. Because the child lacked unconditional love from her mother, she yearns for that love and acceptance through appeasing others, while suppressing her own needs. Your needs are important and should be put first. Try therapy to build confidence.

    • Dumfries Spearhead
      Dumfries Spearhead 2 days ago

      Don't forget fathers with anger management problems. You end up becoming hyper vigilant, sensitive and people pleasing.
      It's a hard habit to break.

  • Mary Riley
    Mary Riley Month ago +1

    Gees, this was my life as a child.

  • Sam Ann
    Sam Ann Month ago +1

    sometime i feel like killing myself for being a people pleaser

  • Eunsoo Ahn
    Eunsoo Ahn Month ago

    Guys I figured it out. Just when you start getting feeling of people pleasing, just say to yourself "lol, they can go fuck themselves" This works beautifully

  • Maria Havrlentova
    Maria Havrlentova Month ago

    Is this Alain de Botton's voice?

  • Corey Pattison
    Corey Pattison Month ago

    This is why I feel like a loser.

  • Shamsun Nahar
    Shamsun Nahar Month ago +1

    Idk why I always felt like I needed other's appreciation but it doesn't mean that I didn't know about my likes and dislikes. It kind of depended on the circumstance, I would feel like myself only when I was at home or just alone. In front of my classmates or relatives, I would turn into another person for that time. I behave in a certain way for them to like me but still believe inside that they never will. I kinda accepted myself but not completely. I know I am weird.

  • Renan Quarterback 7

    Excellent!

  • Ken Carey
    Ken Carey Month ago

    I was married to a people pleaser. She was weak and always tried to hide her true feelings. To do that she had to lie and sneak around with affairs and money issues.

  • Oscar Hocks
    Oscar Hocks Month ago

    My ex cheated on every single boyfriend in her life because of that mentality. This shit really can destroy the life of a person and a loved one.

  • Bea Polanco
    Bea Polanco Month ago +1

    Dis made me cry hard

  • DSkehan2004
    DSkehan2004 2 months ago

    Obama should look at this

  • Joan Cabras
    Joan Cabras 2 months ago +2

    Awesome video! :) Another sign of people-pleasing is overcommitment. I suffered from what I call “The Wonder Woman Syndrome”- I wanted to be everything and do everything for everyone, and expected to get it all right the first time! I had the problem of not being able to say “no”-mostly to myself! For those who have trouble saying No to others, Backbone Power The Science of Saying No, does exactly that. The authors direct “no holds barred” approach will undoubtedly touch a raw nerve for many who read her book. amzn.to/2BZUAPD
    This is a good thing! If you have the courage to look at yourself honestly and reflect on why you “fold like a pack of cards” every time a situation that presents the slightest hint of conflict or requires self-assertion comes your way, I believe this book will help you. It is an easy read in the sense that you can easily finish it in a few hours of continuous reading.

  • K Tyler
    K Tyler 2 months ago

    Title is misleading. More informed us of what a ppl pleaser is. Not how to stop

  • Hayley Smith
    Hayley Smith 2 months ago

    Thanks for sharing 🙏🏻

  • Mr. BuildyLocks
    Mr. BuildyLocks 2 months ago +1

    Just learn to say no!
    Don't be nice.
    Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself or talk back.

  • DL L
    DL L 2 months ago

    💔😓

  • Me Ocean
    Me Ocean 2 months ago +1

    My mother, right there, she's done it to me... Now I can't even openly say when I like a girl

  • stanzin kunzang
    stanzin kunzang 2 months ago

    This video is on point.

  • Aydar Akhmady
    Aydar Akhmady 3 months ago

    thank you!

  • GAYATRI NAYAL
    GAYATRI NAYAL 3 months ago

    I recently discovered that I am a people pleaser.my father is really an amzing person and so is my mother but then they are not just people too.They did not possess any parenting skills to deal with the sensitive emotional mind that i had.i hated the fact that i was emotional becuase tears and crying is seen as a sign of weakness .While in reality I used to cry because of all the stress i felt .because tears are a way of releasing stress.i still am learning to complet3ly embrace myself.to accept that being fat is ok,to accept that tears are ok,to accept that showing your emtions to the "big bad world" is ok.I used to avoid confronting anyone.so even as a teenager,when everyone around me was experimetning with make up,i just didn't.because i knew how my mother viewed beauty as being a waste of time .i never confronted her.i avoided difficult uncomfrtable situtations at all cost,well i still do,but having this realistion just change your life.i have always tried to make others feel comfortable at the cost of being uncomfortable.this self made cage is has suffocated me till now.i am learning to take baby steps towards bettering myself.because let's face it i can only please myself.People will cme and go .the only person who is forever is you yourself.so please don't et otjers opinion bother u the way it bothered me.because at 21 ,i regret not living to my fullest till now.all these years wasted .wasted on people who will not and cannot always understand me .

  • lovely A
    lovely A 3 months ago +2

    I've been a people pleaser basically all my life. But I don't do it to make others happy. I do it out of fear of how they will respond towards me, which I guess says a lot about my childhood. I'm always scared if I don't go along I will be hated, abandoned, ridiculized, judged, that they will get the wrong idea of me forever, or will be angry at me and I can't stand that feeling. I'm terrified of even upsetting a stranger, even if I never see them again. It is something that has affected me my whole life, leaving me feeling powerless and resentful. People usually take advantage of me or disrespect me because they know I'm not strong enough to stand up for myself. This always leaves me with inmense regret for all the things I could have said or done differently to defend myself. This also hurts my self esteem and confidence. And it sucks because the only thing I know to do to protect myself is to close down and not open up to people, and even though it saves me the trouble of being used it also leaves me feeling very lonely and like something is wrong with me. But when I do open up even a little bit my trust is usually broken and there I am back again at square one, building my walls back up. I just feel like I need to protect myself from the entire world, I'm scared of being unpleseantly myself. This is the reason why I don't have any friends and have also never dated anyone. I'm only close to my family members because I have learned to stop trying to please them lol. Man, I don't know why I'm pouring out like this in a comment section, but this video really opened my eyes. I'll do my best to change this and finally be happy, even if that upsets others.

  • Elizabeth Long
    Elizabeth Long 3 months ago +1

    "◔ ◔¨ *
    ..yes ;;';

  • a hon
    a hon 3 months ago +1

    We hang with the wrong people for more than a quarter of our lives... needlessly or than they are simply unhappy at themselves and look for external approval.
    Love yourself better, begin to make better choices for yourselves. This gives greater freedom and pleasure.
    See all that is unexpected as a "learning". It is for greater freedom of self. X

  • Lela Sarashvili
    Lela Sarashvili 3 months ago

    Is this Alain de Botton speaking on the video?
    Love his lectures

  • witcheezer
    witcheezer 3 months ago

    "Most humans can cope quite well with a bit of contradiction, a dose of unwelcome information or occasional rejection delivered with requisite politeness."

    Ummm... no. Not in my experience. I'm in my late thirties and I've encountered too many people who were like my parents (= taking disagreement as personal attack on their intelligence, gaslighting me, clinging to their inherited worldview and overreacting when I don't fit into it). And don't get me started on polite rejection... I'd say that most people are actually pretty sensitive about the things you've listed. I know I've spent my adult life so far trying to unlearn this selfish kind of sensitivity and not enable it in others.

  • Nayab Siddiqui
    Nayab Siddiqui 3 months ago +1

    I've been one, and I'm glad no more. Maybe 10%, okay 20, but the 80% of it is gone, and the 20% is leaving slowly as well. It's a challenge to grow out of childhood conditioning but with consistent actions, it becomes an easy one.

  • strongly mediocre
    strongly mediocre 3 months ago +3

    People pleasers have no real friends or will have no friends. I speak from experience.

  • Calista Vicente-Bradley

    I'm such a people pleaser Ill wipe your ass for you

  • Alice Edward
    Alice Edward 4 months ago

    It's hard to say I'm all people pleaser but I'm rather a pleaser to whom I care for or live with after many bad experiences and being left out or hated
    all of these lies I say in order to keep them happy, my true self is awful stupid annoying and worthless the moment I think it's ok to be myself I can see resentment of my family and friends and it's hurt
    I try to speak my mind yet everyone like _everyone_ shoot back at me for having poorly thoughtful opinions and stupid ideas so I agree with them or stay silent to end this arguement faster
    If I acted silly when telling a joke like changing my voice tone I get harsh replies of being loud and immature and if I made a mistake out of stupidity I'll never be forgiven easily until I feel like a trash,
    In conversations I'm always interrupted and ignored
    The things I have passion about is stupid and ugly for them and I'm annoying for keep talking about these things even when they said they aren't interested already,
    This happened through my whole life with different friends over the years that I started to please everyone so I wont be alone or ridiculed
    It's painful to keep replying the same circle with anyone you wish to hold dear only for them to hate you -and I don't blame them I am horrible-so pleasing them and apologising always sounds the right thing to do until you cant pull out of the hole you buried yourself in

  • MooBerry2009
    MooBerry2009 4 months ago

    Oh my Gooooooood

  • Craig Merkey
    Craig Merkey 4 months ago

    this is very firm for a British person! haha haha

  • P D
    P D 4 months ago

    Can one be pleased to have drama in their life yet want it to get solved

  • Katie Ener
    Katie Ener 4 months ago

    This is me before (not sure if I'm still like that). And one thing that people don't know about being people-pleaser is that it's painfully hard to be one. Yeah I know, you can say "Oh if it's that hard, why still do it"? Because there's this voice in my head that says whenever I do something that will displease others, it will as if people will start to leave me and not like me and I'll end up being alone with no friends anymore. So you're literally battling with that 'voice' and your own feelings. I think this stemmed from my childhood.
    My mom and dad were always busy at work when I was a kid (which I don't mind really cause they're doing it to make a living in which I understand and I love them no matter what) so I basically grew up with a nanny. My nanny is an old lady with a mother-like figure; so it felt like she was our second mom. And I had a younger sister. My nanny would always make me feel as if she hates me for unknown reasons (as a kid it's kinda hard to accept it). My nanny always grew fond of my younger sister, she's her favorite and it felt as if I didn't get all the love that I deserve as a kid. I constantly find myself always being nice to other people, always tending to other people's needs, always agreeing etc. because if not, my nanny won't love me; worst she might not even notice me. So I grew up thinking that people won't love or like me if I won't be nice.
    I remembered there was a time at grade school, I was out with my 'friends'. We were playing at the playground. They all played at the slide. I was about to jump in but they told me 'Oh can you hold our stuff for awhile?'. Being young and people pleaser that time, I couldn't say no. Couldn't even say that I would like to play with them. So I literally stood at the side, guarding their stuff while they were happily played at the playground. Even now, I still remember how awful it felt like. But they like me right? That was what I thought. But I was wrong.
    Fast forward to highschool; in highschool, I was still people pleaser. I thought everyone like me because I'm nice. Turns out, they just need me because they know I won't say no to everyone that they'll be saying. Without me knowing, some people are actually gossiping and maybe mocking me telling me how 'gullible' I am (I don't know in your country, but being called 'gullible' equates to being 'stupid'). Life is hard. I was suicidal at 13.
    Comes college. At college, I learnt how to be independent that it's ok to just be yourself and to stop pretending. I learn to love my ownself. I got to know myself more. I learn that there are people who will like me for being 'me' not because I'm conforming at what they want. I think that's the key; learn to love yourself and everything will follow.

  • Andrés64B
    Andrés64B 4 months ago

    100% me.

  • Bubble Tea
    Bubble Tea 4 months ago

    When I disappointed someone my mind always say that " It's ok you don't always have to make he/sh/they feel satisfied and happy . You're are not their clowns or something...."
    But my heart say " you're useless, stupid and just a piece of shit" 😔😔

  • Jean Carlos Ortiz
    Jean Carlos Ortiz 4 months ago

    Holy crap this perfectly described my personality. I never knew how to put it to words but everything that they said in this video is true about me

    • Akaki
      Akaki 3 months ago

      Jean,
      I'm interviewing an elite group of people who are serious about personal development and I came across your profile and thought you'd be a perfect candidate to provide some feedback.

      One question: What are biggest problems you encounter in being a people pleaser daily?

      Your input is greatly appreciated and will help shape the program I'm developing to help people like you be successful.

      Thanks in advance,
      -Akaki Tsivadze

  • Yo Yoyo
    Yo Yoyo 4 months ago +2

    yeah i grew up with parents who could not handle anything, like my mom was ragey one and my dad was realllly fragile and depressive. In relationships I'm either super distant and a user or become a people pleaser. But it takes a toll and I have to exit the relationship because it makes me really unhappy. But it made me good at business because it's super easy for me to tell what people want and give it to them because i instinctively know how customer perceives something. but yea very unhappy thing to do in personal relationships..my childhood was so emotionally extreme

  • caroline__01
    caroline__01 4 months ago

    I read the title as how to stop being a people.. I was immediately intrigued

  • Wiput J
    Wiput J 4 months ago

    This is how I was raised to be pleaser when I got scolded and dug up all my past shameful stuff and mistakes whenarguing w/parents. I feel I was programmed to obey all orders because of that xp that brought fear to my subconscious so I have more tendency to go along with anything people asked me to do...

    • Akaki
      Akaki 3 months ago

      Wiput,
      I'm interviewing an elite group of people who are serious about personal development and I came across your profile and thought you'd be a perfect candidate to provide some feedback.

      One question: What are biggest problems you encounter in being a people pleaser daily?

      Your input is greatly appreciated and will help shape the program I'm developing to help people like you be successful.

      Thanks in advance,
      -Akaki Tsivadze

  • imp3rfec4ionist
    imp3rfec4ionist 4 months ago

    Lying out of fear. It's so understandable it should be common sense

  • Deja Blue
    Deja Blue 5 months ago

    I was having a big fight with my best friend the other day and the last thing she texted that I didn’t respond to was “You’re a people pleaser and you let people walk all over you sometimes.” At first, I didn’t know what “people pleaser” meant, so I decided not to look it up, but after a fews hours I let my urge take over me and looked it up. I was so surprised to see that I was in fact a people pleaser because of how many things I could relate, my best friend was right. I started to look back to my childhood to see how and why I became a people pleaser, and I think I know why, when I was little, my mom would always get mad at me when I did a simple mistake like dropping my cup of water on the table or crying because I hurt myself, so because of her, I was always scared of people yelling at me, I never actually talked back to my mom until it was my teenage years and that’s when she started to calm down her anger issues a bit, but when I was, I don’t know, around 8, I was introduced to a girl who I have been friends with until I was around 13 and she would always manipulate me into doing things I didn’t want to and even though she was 3 years younger then me, I was scared of her, because of her also, I think I was still a people pleaser and still am a people pleaser. I’ve always been a people pleaser and gullible since I was small, I hated the idea of people not liking me, I have gotten better since I got to be best friends with a girl who taught me to speak my own feelings for a few years, but Its sad to know that I’m stall a people pleaser and now thanks to my best friend saying that I’m a people pleaser, ill try not to be for the sake of myself and others...

  • Tyler Jourdan
    Tyler Jourdan 5 months ago +1

    I have been a people pleaser to my own detriment. I figure if I have nothing to gain then I can't be morally bankrupt

    • Akaki
      Akaki 3 months ago

      Tyler,
      I'm interviewing an elite group of people who are serious about personal development and I came across your profile and thought you'd be a perfect candidate to provide some feedback.

      One question: What are biggest problems you encounter in being a people pleaser daily?

      Your input is greatly appreciated and will help shape the program I'm developing to help people like you be successful.

      Thanks in advance,
      -Akaki Tsivadze

  • Stella Ace
    Stella Ace 5 months ago +3

    Literally had a panic attack because I kept saying "YES, I'll do it for you no problem" When in actuality I barely had time to even eat a decent meal. Even if I really really didn't want to do something I get bombarded by the thoughts of how disappointed they would feel. It is not as simple as just saying NO. Believe me I have tried. Their response : It would mean the world to me, you would be helping so many people , come on, sure you have time. etc. The consequence: Because I keep saying yes , they keep asking for more. Ugh I hate this cycle.

  • Chris Huang
    Chris Huang 5 months ago

    I've been very confused about being a people pleaser. Somehow one day I turned out to begin to consider other's feelings, more specifically seconding guessing??, and I am eager to change this habit as soon as such information striked me. Anyone know some ways??? Apart from that, what's the difference between being a people pleaser and being simply considerate?

    • Akaki
      Akaki 3 months ago

      Chris,
      I'm interviewing an elite group of people who are serious about personal development and I came across your profile and thought you'd be a perfect candidate to provide some feedback.

      One question: What are biggest problems you encounter in being a people pleaser daily?

      Your input is greatly appreciated and will help shape the program I'm developing to help people like you be successful.

      Thanks in advance,
      -Akaki Tsivadze

  • Val Nicols
    Val Nicols 5 months ago

    Bonding with people has become very tricky in itself.Boundaries have become so hard to walk , peer pressure not wanting to hurt...the stakes keeps getting higher...not simple...if you are a caring person...if you are not(not overthinking more analytical person or cold).it's easier i guess

  • Val Nicols
    Val Nicols 5 months ago

    is being pleasant when a person really is saying "get lost" or sending thousands of quotes that require a simple and cold press of a digit (and nothing else) not a form of people pleasing and manipulation? Had the idea that the way we interact with people around is what makes is feel closer and intimate,a family and not strangers.....without having to lose ourselves completely... Maybe that's just oldfashioned and everyone lives on their own island in the end ...with their phones,troubles ,opinionsand telling ourselves that we don't need anything else...because trying desperately trying to fit in into a mold by mass influence ...not individuals anymore

  • Jo anne Grantham
    Jo anne Grantham 5 months ago

    I ❤️ school of life. Thank you ❤️

  • Hafiz Burn
    Hafiz Burn 5 months ago

    all of this info will get in a box ,stored in your brain . the more the box the mature you are . knowledge matter in life

  • Mariana Aguilar
    Mariana Aguilar 5 months ago

    I truly needed this video in my life. THANK YOU for all the helpful videos you create 🙏

  • Iman
    Iman 5 months ago

    this is an incredible video especially the last part is very genuine , thank you !

  • nichiii_peach 03
    nichiii_peach 03 5 months ago +1

    I wanted no conflict or letting people, friends, even acquaintances down. At first the effects were positive, they all became friendly towards me, I did and even when Im stressed I set myself aside just to help or be with them, until it started to be unfair, I felt that it was getting unfair, chances lost as I became like a reserve and I never get to speak up because of what will they think after? Im then easily angered and more so depressed on how Im the one who was unafair all this time, Im starting to open up, it felt a little better afterwards but its a slow process. This vid helped clear up and made me understand more on what a people pleaser is.

  • Breaking Silver
    Breaking Silver 5 months ago +2

    This is me. Growing up my dad had an explosive temper, although he was a great dad. Provided me with everything. I didn’t like his temper and how he responded no, and overreacted-so to my friends and work colleagues I’ve always tried to be the nice guy. I don’t like conflict.

  • Hồng Nguyễn Nhật
    Hồng Nguyễn Nhật 5 months ago +1

    when you are a people pleasr but noone n people arround you get used to that. its very hard for you to become a new one:) its hurt

  • daco
    daco 5 months ago

    Excellent video! 👏✔ applying, from the view point of this video, everybody (or almost everybody) is surrounded by liars. In other words, the pleaser is lying, and those being pleased too. Why? the pleaser lies because he does things that he doesn't feel like doing; and the one being pleased because he achieves his / her purposes by flattering or intimidation, but she doesn't feel a lil bit of empathy for his "servant." This one is, for him, just an object.

  • Stacey
    Stacey 6 months ago

    School of Life, can you offer advice on how to support a partner who has people-pleasing tendencies? I want to show up for him and support him on his growth path.

  • Knuckles
    Knuckles 6 months ago +1

    Just being yourself is what's best.
    Thank you for spreading wisdom.

  • D Ima
    D Ima 6 months ago

    I have been criticized by my mother for 25 years and recently I cut my relationship with her. I feel better and I became someone who wants ordinary life. But then I realized I have missed so many opportunities to connect with people and I am so resentful to my mother. I don’t have job and I am feeling depressed I might kill my mother.

  • enra
    enra 6 months ago +3

    People Pleaser = a lot of Stress . That's my experience..

    • Akaki
      Akaki 3 months ago

      enra,
      I'm interviewing an elite group of people who are serious about personal development and I came across your profile and thought you'd be a perfect candidate to provide some feedback.

      One question: What are biggest problems you encounter in being a people pleaser daily?

      Your input is greatly appreciated and will help shape the program I'm developing to help people like you be successful.

      Thanks in advance,
      -Akaki Tsivadze

  • Tiff Star
    Tiff Star 6 months ago

    This is me in a nutshell. My mum found it very hard to deal with being challenged or disagreed with my whole childhood. Even though I'm now an adult, I still find it stressful disagreeing with people in case they blow up like she did. Its a challenge being an adult and still feeling this way, especially in the workplace where you need to assert your opinions and disagree with people sometimes!

  • Ileana Cosanzeana
    Ileana Cosanzeana 6 months ago

    until not to long ago you could easily add all the women in the people pleaser community based on the desired model.🤣🤣

  • Ileana Cosanzeana
    Ileana Cosanzeana 6 months ago

    So you are saying that this people who weren't loved by their creators, are looking for love by pleasing people and then they become resentful of the people they pleased because they were exploited?? please tell me this is not what you are saying! Huhh??

  • Malak Alguliyeva
    Malak Alguliyeva 6 months ago

    the very me that I hate

    • Akaki
      Akaki 3 months ago

      Malak,
      I'm interviewing an elite group of people who are serious about personal development and I came across your profile and thought you'd be a perfect candidate to provide some feedback.

      One question: What are biggest problems you encounter in being a people pleaser daily?

      Your input is greatly appreciated and will help shape the program I'm developing to help people like you be successful.

      Thanks in advance,
      -Akaki Tsivadze

  • Laura A
    Laura A 6 months ago

    true and true.

  • Don't Kill Yourself Before You're Dead

    Thank you for the video. We all have needs and it is important to meet our own needs too y'know. We all need balance in our lives. Please ourselves and others. If we please only ourselves, we become selfish. If we please only others and neglect ourselves, we become zombies inside.

  • Abdulatif Zubaidi
    Abdulatif Zubaidi 6 months ago

    Cuts too deep.

  • Tigris Euphrates
    Tigris Euphrates 6 months ago

    Animation is off topic lol looks like that LittlePrince Book....

  • Jonathan Inman
    Jonathan Inman 6 months ago

    Thank you guys!!! This was awesome! I really appreciate your efforts in helping the world!

  • Yash
    Yash 6 months ago

    can you please make a video on how to sound and speak like the school of life narrator?

  • jay Garcia
    jay Garcia 7 months ago

    Thank you

  • JennyLeigh93
    JennyLeigh93 7 months ago

    Some are people pleasers in order to feel loved. And some are people pleasers in order to manipulate

  • Paul Andre Uy
    Paul Andre Uy 7 months ago

    Yes I am...

  • DeanRendar84
    DeanRendar84 7 months ago

    I people please, to check where I stand in terms of new acquaintances. And then if I'm certain respect isn't reciprocal I make a note of it to never again. And then I'll people please one last time if its a group thing. I think a second chance, after someone's too popular ego has been given a chance to process is a final fair test.

  • Phixiq
    Phixiq 7 months ago

    Damn..this is true...I think this has been my biggest flaw for me..

    • Akaki
      Akaki 3 months ago

      I'm interviewing an elite group of people who are serious about personal development and I came across your profile and thought you'd be a perfect candidate to provide some feedback.

      One question: What are biggest problems you encounter in being a people pleaser daily?

      Your input is greatly appreciated and will help shape the program I'm developing to help people like you be successful.

      Thanks in advance,
      -Akaki Tsivadze

    • Akaki
      Akaki 3 months ago

      Phixiq,

  • fgdfhtrhg
    fgdfhtrhg 7 months ago

    Find Pilko 1:57

  • Aram Mohamadi
    Aram Mohamadi 7 months ago

    the best enlightenment lve ever heard.people pleasing makes you feel tired all the time and seem stupid to others.

  • sindaki l
    sindaki l 7 months ago

    My mom's fault again???!!!! It hurts to accuse her for everything. The difference is that she didn' t exploit me like all those people do .. That is something you didn' t mention ...that there are a lot of people who are seeking for victims and ...slaves in their lives and our kindness( which we were taught by our mother by the way...) didn't let us imagine how cruel people can be.. and we just can't say no ... Mom you made me a good person and a big liar!!!! I will try to become a bad person!!!

  • Your Drug
    Your Drug 7 months ago

    I'm A Person Pleaser There Is A Difference Long As We Got Each Other We Don't Need No One Else

  • Tristin Beck
    Tristin Beck 7 months ago

    lol