Detective Bittenbinder Takes Issue with John Mulaney's Standup

  • Published on May 15, 2018
  • When James asks John Mulaney about Det. J.J. Bittenbinder, the man who taught him street smarts as a kid, the two and Zooey Deschanel realize they all received questionable self defense advice as children.
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Comments • 820

  • April Simnel
    April Simnel Day ago

    Mr. Show had a sketch based on Bittenbinder with Bob Odenkirk playing him, it's hilarious. "Shake the crime stick!"

  • leonard wilson sr


  • izze turner
    izze turner 4 days ago +1

    nu-uh sister. you ain't gettin me to no secondary location

  • hutch
    hutch 4 days ago +1

    The real J.J. Bittenbinder really did look and talk like that in schools.

  • Joey H
    Joey H 5 days ago +1

    JJ, I’m so sorry that you’re angry

  • Mayeoli22
    Mayeoli22 6 days ago

    3:38 yw

  • Aliana Wood
    Aliana Wood 6 days ago

    I feel like they scared kids in school way past the 80s and 90s. I started school in the early 2000s and they still scared the shit out of us.

  • Beata Zalewska
    Beata Zalewska 7 days ago

    James threw John of his rythm with the fakeout!

  • Paige
    Paige 10 days ago +1

    We didn’t have a street smarts assembly. We had a yo-yo man.

  • Charlee Byrd
    Charlee Byrd 10 days ago +2

    James: hes here tonight
    John: throws money clip and runs off *STREET SMARTS*

  • Nico Glock
    Nico Glock 11 days ago +1

    Zooey keeps getting prettier with age.

  • Michael Mccollum
    Michael Mccollum 13 days ago

    Zooey descahnel is on some kinds of drugs or something she just seems very uninterested

  • Redbonebino
    Redbonebino 16 days ago

    John and Zooey look like brother and sister

  • Sulsirxx
    Sulsirxx 16 days ago

    The thumbnail is a whole mood

  • Sunny Rayavarapu
    Sunny Rayavarapu 17 days ago +1


  • Waiana Kamo
    Waiana Kamo 17 days ago

    I would love to see him go you want it go get if bittenbinder did come

  • The Mavericks
    The Mavericks 18 days ago

    *STREET SMARTS!!!!!!!!!!!*

  • olive_ 257
    olive_ 257 18 days ago +1


    We've succeded in

    *_throwing John off his rhythm_*

  • Kaitlyn Diep
    Kaitlyn Diep 18 days ago


  • Kate H
    Kate H 19 days ago

    In the 2000s for us it was drugs. Every assembly was about drugs. They’d bring in recovered drug addicts or something to talk to us about the dangers of all drugs

  • Saint Jimmy
    Saint Jimmy 20 days ago +1

    hEy lADy!! wE'LL teLl YOu wHeN we GET Adams Family Values!

    • Tuft D.
      Tuft D. 21 hour ago

      *isn't offended as a man being mistaken for a women, is offended for being a women being pushed around by this guy who works at blockbuster video*

  • abby brimer
    abby brimer 23 days ago


  • warjikin
    warjikin 27 days ago

    I would so watch a movie with John Mulaney and Zooey Deschanel as co-leads.

  • Tori Van Zanten
    Tori Van Zanten 28 days ago

    I grew up in a village with less than 1000 people and my upbring was much like cats too. Me and my brother would go out on our bikes and told by our mom to be back by dark. Our curfew was the moon

  • PhillyFrank1
    PhillyFrank1 Month ago

    Why does Zooey Deschanel seem like a CGI version of herself? Between the mannerisms and the smokey-eyed makeup, she seems straight out of the Uncanny Valley. John Mulaney is his usual adorkable tall-child self.

  • Andrew Madden
    Andrew Madden Month ago


  • Hannah Joseph
    Hannah Joseph Month ago

    Why does Zooey looked annoyed and bored

  • Robert Burroughs
    Robert Burroughs Month ago

    Is Zooey on drugs? What's her problem...

  • albino shamrock
    albino shamrock Month ago

    In the late 90's, our Street Smarts guy was just a local cop who had a bag of crystal meth in his hand. He told us that meth would kill us and make us ugly. Then, he just fucking left.

  • Carrie Couzens
    Carrie Couzens Month ago

    Watch, some day there's going to be a biopic on Donny and Marie Osmond, and THESE TWO are the ones who will play them! #Isaiditfirst

  • janet G
    janet G Month ago

    I had Nana Pudding. He has monkey puppets and has a yoyo. We all loved him but it was so corny

  • Marie
    Marie Month ago

    When I was in 3rd grade my school had a company come to the school and make IDs and get fingerprints and DNA for our parents to keep in case we were kidnaped. Didn't even bother to tell us how to run away or just avoid strangers. It was a "Well, they might get kidnapped anyway. Let's Make sure their parents have viable DNA and fingerprints so we can identify their dead bodies better"

  • Aidan McGreenie
    Aidan McGreenie Month ago +1

    Best fake out since the office reboot gag on SNL

  • Eddieee
    Eddieee Month ago +2

    "He's here tonight"
    John: 0_0
    James: and now I've thrown him off his rhythm

  • Thalia Eyles
    Thalia Eyles Month ago +1

    "quoth the raven: nevermore"

  • Wolf Song
    Wolf Song Month ago +1

    3:40 That is the face of a man who has just seen Jesus and came back to tell about it

  • Alex Byron
    Alex Byron Month ago +1

    Didn’t think High Wycombe would get a call out 😄

  • Alan Ramos
    Alan Ramos Month ago +3

    “He’s here”
    *throws mug on ground*

  • chewychim
    chewychim Month ago

    mr. gallagher?

  • Dean Marshall
    Dean Marshall Month ago


  • the hunchback
    the hunchback Month ago

    you can mess someone up bad with a butter knife, i have a scar from one

  • swanky catfish
    swanky catfish Month ago

    6 and a half minutes of james and the audience not appreciating john mulaney

  • Aaralyn Angel
    Aaralyn Angel Month ago +1

    Is that John’s wife?? She is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PRETTY!!!!!

  • Wilma FistFit
    Wilma FistFit Month ago

    You’re vulnerable

  • Wilma FistFit
    Wilma FistFit Month ago

    I love John so much it’s obscene

  • hawaiimaui123
    hawaiimaui123 Month ago

    Bittenbinder freaked me out as a kid!

  • Katrina Rocketman
    Katrina Rocketman Month ago +1

    "What're you gonna do, butter him to death?"

  • Zeynep Karataş
    Zeynep Karataş Month ago

    Zooey sounds like Cat Valentine

  • lissamaven
    lissamaven Month ago +2

    The look of pure panic on Mulaney's face when he was told the detective was there XD
    All the things he learned came rushing back to him in that one moment

  • Lisa Loves Anime
    Lisa Loves Anime Month ago

    Okay so probably no one will know what I’m about to talk about, so I say this same video only animated but, it was voltron and this is in my recommendation so I’m shook.

  • tejaswoman
    tejaswoman Month ago +2

    Finally watched Kid Gorgeous last night, and I was laughing so hard during the Bittenbinder bits, I nearly had to cut it off to save my own life so that I could stop and breathe.

  • The Pretty of the Odd

    You: Street Smarts! Me, an intellectual: Smart Education

  • Kat Lewis
    Kat Lewis Month ago


  • Emma Walter
    Emma Walter Month ago +1

    keep hairspray in your bag and a lighter, there you go, you're good

  • Lance McClain
    Lance McClain Month ago +1

    Im here because there was a voltron animatic about the street smarts thing

  • Chianna Li Cohen
    Chianna Li Cohen Month ago

    When JJ Bittenbinder actually has a Wikipedia page and he actually talks about his fashion choice in the article.

  • Laney Rebecca
    Laney Rebecca Month ago

    Zooey laughs with her whole mouth

  • gaby juarez
    gaby juarez Month ago

    I want John to be my dad

  • Brooke OC
    Brooke OC Month ago +1

    James: He’s here tonight-

  • Demitri Niketopoulos


  • Panickingfangirlofawesomeness !

    Me and my friends CONSTANTLY say *STREET SMARTS* and here’s some stories.
    Anna: Nah, that’s my moms car.
    Kat: That’s not your moms car, that’s a random ass car.
    Anna: Oh. Well, uh, I’ll fucking defend myself
    Kat: *S T R E E T S M A R T S*
    Sadie: I don’t know... that guy is lookin super shady what if he hurts us?

  • That One Chick
    That One Chick Month ago

    John trying to recite his bit under pressure is adorable

  • Not KeGan from Tripledollarsign

  • Dancing_Queen17
    Dancing_Queen17 Month ago

    “Give me your money!!”
    *violently snaps fingers*

    please enjoy my poetry joke

  • It’sAnnaAgain 13
    It’sAnnaAgain 13 2 months ago

    “What are you gonna do? Butter him to death?” ....*cough cough* Loki...

  • Prudence Moe
    Prudence Moe 2 months ago

    i would love it if john mulaney went on b99 as JJ Bittenbinder and did a case with jake and the squad

  • msminmichigan
    msminmichigan 2 months ago

    I know they're both married to other people but ffs Zoey and John would make an adorable couple.

  • Rp Account
    Rp Account 2 months ago

    I would’ve been so excited to meet Jj bitten binder

  • Sophia Tobias
    Sophia Tobias 2 months ago

    why did it take me 4 minutes and 32 seconds to realize that that is zooey deschanel

  • H Q
    H Q 2 months ago +1

    Thought it was Grant Gustin at first lol. The Flash!

  • Golden Gifts
    Golden Gifts 2 months ago

    When i used to live with my grand mother. There was this guy in the streets outside out door selling ice cream and my grandmother said to not buy it cause it has cock roaches and ear wax flavour. I don’t know if it was because she wanted to keep me inside or she didn’t want to use her money to buy ice cream

  • harrypotteravenclaw
    harrypotteravenclaw 2 months ago

    Didn't realise that was Zooey Deschanel until she talked

  • Rith Trelin
    Rith Trelin 2 months ago +3

    I kinda wanna meet JJ Bittenbinder, just so I can laugh at him.

  • Josh DeLaRosa
    Josh DeLaRosa 2 months ago

    I just spent 2 1/2 minutes not realizing that Felicity Jones is actually Zooey Deschanel...

  • LycanLink
    LycanLink 2 months ago

    Random thought: Doesn't Zooey Deschanel look a LOT like Elizabeth from BioShock Infinite? I mean, Zooey's nose a little bigger, but aside from that, the similarities are uncanny. If they ever make that a movie, please cast her.

  • Francine The Cookie
    Francine The Cookie 2 months ago

    *you gotta throw them off their rhythm*

  • Shifter1307 *
    Shifter1307 * 2 months ago +2

    Hey dad, can I please have a silver money clip with a 50 dollar bill in it? Don’t worry, I’m only gonna chuck it into the sewer at the first sign of trouble. The man in the mustache told me to do it.

  • boku no baby academia Bsbsbababanns

    He was so thrown off his rhythm

  • Henrik Christoffersen
    Henrik Christoffersen 2 months ago

    Mulaney always looks like he is lift strait out of the 1930s.

  • 11 subscribers With barely any content

    Never seen a soul leave a man quicker then when John heard Bittenbinder was there

  • Dauntless Ravenclaw
    Dauntless Ravenclaw 2 months ago +3

    3:36 now you've thrown John off his rhythm

  • Ariel Gonzalez
    Ariel Gonzalez 2 months ago +1

    I did not recognize Zoey deschannel until she started talking about poetry

  • Antonio Tyler
    Antonio Tyler 2 months ago

    Why exercise when you can just say "And he's here tonight!" to get your heart pumping faster

  • Bill
    Bill 2 months ago

    1:11 what thy fucketh was that laugh

  • Dawn Vents
    Dawn Vents 2 months ago


  • lys
    lys 2 months ago +2

    I just saw the definition of fight or flight instincts 😂

  • Stacy Nicole
    Stacy Nicole 2 months ago +2

    How would John know about the cowboy hats if he supposedly never wore them there?

  • Sydney Garrison
    Sydney Garrison 2 months ago

    700 people feels like a lot of people to me

  • Theonfire Safire
    Theonfire Safire 2 months ago

    3:41 you’re welcome

  • Sigi S
    Sigi S 2 months ago

    We still have the same program in Chicago 😂

  • Elizabeth Stage
    Elizabeth Stage 2 months ago +1

    James: he's here tonight
    John:YoU wAnT iT? gO gET iT! *Yeet*

  • Meiji
    Meiji 2 months ago

    Both Zooey and John seem like they came right from the 60s

  • Imsimple Imjewish
    Imsimple Imjewish 2 months ago

    John Mulaney quotes John Mulaney

  • Briana Borja
    Briana Borja 2 months ago


  • Dimitri Sherrill
    Dimitri Sherrill 2 months ago +1

    James: And here tonight...
    John: (throws money clip w/ 50$) GO GET IT

  • elian lj
    elian lj 2 months ago

    4:13 you’re welcome

    • elian lj
      elian lj 2 months ago

      shit he’s the cutest

  • LightningGrace
    LightningGrace 2 months ago +1

    i didn't realise james is from high wycombe! he's correct!

  • Fat Yellow Waluigi
    Fat Yellow Waluigi 2 months ago +4

    3:41 Now John is off his rhythm.

  • Jóna_IH
    Jóna_IH 2 months ago

    John looked like he was more willing to go to the secondary location than to talk to Bittenbinder again

  • Nelson
    Nelson 2 months ago

    I could see these these two together on the silver screen, using their wits to save the day or solve a mystery, trading snappy dialogue in a 1940's *Mid-atlantic accent. I'd watch it!