Detective Bittenbinder Takes Issue with John Mulaney's Standup

  • Published on May 15, 2018
  • When James asks John Mulaney about Det. J.J. Bittenbinder, the man who taught him street smarts as a kid, the two and Zooey Deschanel realize they all received questionable self defense advice as children.
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Comments • 596

  • Animint
    Animint 13 hours ago

    1:11 best laugh

    Shadow X POPCORN SAMA 16 hours ago

    The girl sitting next to John seems so depressed...

  • Casey freehand
    Casey freehand Day ago

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Please don’t mug me
    I’m scared of you

  • Grass Roots
    Grass Roots 4 days ago

    If you went to elementary school in Texas, street smarts was rattlesnake class. They would literally bring dozens of rattlesnakes to frighten us with!

  • neoruma
    neoruma 4 days ago

    You want it?
    *GO GET IT*

  • sp00ky Sunny
    sp00ky Sunny 6 days ago

    "we tracked him down, and hes here tonight"
    *john smiles a painful smile right before his life flashed before his eyes*

  • Shnurffle
    Shnurffle 9 days ago

    A lot of people will attack you in Wycombe now😂

  • Kiwi Cucumber
    Kiwi Cucumber 13 days ago

    Here you are, , don't worry I'm not linking you to some sketchy website or advertising or something.

  • m j
    m j 16 days ago

    Lol throw the 50$ money clip and run John lol

  • dahboup
    dahboup 17 days ago

    Video of J.J. Bittenbinder:

  • Armand Arana
    Armand Arana 18 days ago

    "YOU WANT IT, GO GET IT!!" Is the most used sentence in our house since we watched his special 😂

  • Samer Al Kaabi
    Samer Al Kaabi 19 days ago

    John looks like Grant Gustin 🤭

  • The Scripflip Network
    The Scripflip Network 20 days ago +1

    Why is new girl in the middle of this interview, just sitting there stupified?

  • Lilac Skies
    Lilac Skies 21 day ago

    Roses are red
    Violates are purple
    If a stranger touches you
    Give em’ a nurple

  • smithtable15
    smithtable15 21 day ago

    Why did they not bring the Detective though? That would've been excellent.

  • phoebephoebo .sydney
    phoebephoebo .sydney 23 days ago

    Shout out from High Wycombe- whoop whoop!!

  • paranoid android
    paranoid android 23 days ago

    yer vulnerable

  • TJ noodle
    TJ noodle 24 days ago

    funny enough he retired to the same town i live in, i've seen him around a lot but never really noticed until john's special came up, i looked the dude up cus his name sounded familiar, lo and behold i see him around all the goddamn time

  • Nameless
    Nameless 24 days ago

    “He’s here tonight”
    I could just hear John getting his Alka seltzer tablet ready

  • Lsat to Fsirt
    Lsat to Fsirt 24 days ago

    That was my favorite part too

  • muffin gaming msp
    muffin gaming msp 25 days ago

    Detective JJ bitenbinder

  • Jordi Melis
    Jordi Melis 25 days ago

    Yeah you can tell that Zoe is pretty uncomfortable not being the center of attention.

  • Emily Geier
    Emily Geier 26 days ago

    The more I hear about John Mulaney's childhood, the more I understand about Andrew and his family. John's mom telling him to stay away from the balloon man reminds me of Andrew's mom telling him to remember to be afraid when dropping him off. Not to mention his dad oh my gosh... It makes so much more sense now

  • certified space bisexual

    i find john mulaney so attractive oh my god

  • Bright Fighter
    Bright Fighter 26 days ago

    Is no one gonna mention the castiel suit and the female cas next to it😂

  • Angela Fender
    Angela Fender Month ago

    I saw a tail light gone and all I can think of is a child's small hand coming out of the light hole hahahah and am like OMG haha I checked for a child in there just incase

  • Jacob Zuiderveen
    Jacob Zuiderveen Month ago

    wait... Who's that girl?

  • Animal Lover
    Animal Lover Month ago

    I want a word with whoever did the subtitles

  • Billy Bones
    Billy Bones Month ago

    I want to marry Zooey! She is so perfect

  • zoopigeon
    zoopigeon Month ago

    James Corden has the charisma of a rotten potato

  • Zandra Steele
    Zandra Steele Month ago

    the word 'vulnerable' sound amazing in James accent

  • Brandon B.
    Brandon B. Month ago +1

    That was great

  • Ascent
    Ascent Month ago

    Lol. That’s what my parents did too. They never knew where the hell I was or what in heck I was up to during the time frame I was allowed out.

  • Shirin AlAwadhi
    Shirin AlAwadhi Month ago +5

    What a beautiful, strong Asian-American woman. Bless her.

  • Exin Nixe
    Exin Nixe Month ago +12

    You can see John completely dissociate when James says Bittenbinder is there. His eyes glaze over like a fight or flight instinct is kicking in

  • ArtisticPixie
    ArtisticPixie Month ago

    If you pause just at the right moment, you can see the soul leave John’s eyes

  • An excellent YouTube account

    Wait is that woman on the left of John Bones?

  • Darko Trajkovski
    Darko Trajkovski Month ago

    This show is now just like all the other late night shows, no offence to James Corden, but I miss Craig and his unpredictability :/

  • imaloony8
    imaloony8 Month ago +3

    Damn, I wish Bittenbinder had actually been there.

  • irlquicksilver
    irlquicksilver Month ago +67

    James: He's here tonight--
    John: *Throws money clip* S T R E E T S M A R T S

  • Ethan Sloan
    Ethan Sloan Month ago +2

    I'm listening to a commentary, recorded years before Mulaney did this bit, on Mr. Show right now. They identify JJ Bittenbinder as being the inspiration for their character, FF Woodycocks. To quote the sketch's writer, Paul F. Thompkins: "I heard him talking about a woman who was gang-raped, and he wrapped up his story with the words, 'the two goofs were apprehended by law enforcement.' And I thought that calling a pair of rapists 'goofs' was a little too light." He also takes time to note his ridiculous mustache.
    Here's the sketch:

  • Marco Gálvez
    Marco Gálvez Month ago

    how does john look extra 12 in this tho

  • J C
    J C Month ago

    I hope I wasn’t the only one wondering if J.J. Bittenbinder wrote a book.
    Because after doing some Bittenbinder worth detective work I found that he did. It’s called “Tough Target, the Street Smart Guide to Staying Safe”.

  • Chris Machina
    Chris Machina Month ago

    Why haven’t John and Zooey teamed up to play twins who own a quaint inn in Virginia?

  • Brian David Gilbert Fan Account


  • tristonanan
    tristonanan Month ago

    In the mid-2000s we got this, but with people who would try to lure us online. We were 8. None of us even had MySpace at this time.

  • dubset for dads
    dubset for dads Month ago

    Oh my gosh mat Pat film theory love child

  • kat m
    kat m 2 months ago

    they all have such iconic accents/voices and it’s really fuckin w my head

  • Yokie Miller
    Yokie Miller 2 months ago

    Bittendinder was on Oprah. I never forgot him...Do not leave crime scene 1, because your odds of survival greatly decrease at crime scene 2". It's true, think about it.

  • Kate Seto
    Kate Seto 2 months ago

    And now assemblies are just about not committing suicide and how depression is normal and you know... not giving up on literally everything

  • Hi! I had to cut poverty in the school gymnasium

    JJ Bittenbinder went to my mom's school as well. #StreetSmarts

  • Paige -Low Key-
    Paige -Low Key- 2 months ago

    I love this more than my life

  • amayo
    amayo 2 months ago


  • MG Wray
    MG Wray 2 months ago

    John is thinking, "Bittenbinder is here? Oh noes! I have no backpack!"

  • Emma Demo
    Emma Demo 2 months ago

    Zooey seemed really like awkward and left out

  • chocolate galaxy
    chocolate galaxy 2 months ago

    Nevet in my life did I ever think I'd see John Mulaney and Zoe Deshanelle on the same stage. Two of the weirdest funny people of our time. Together. It was beautiful.

  • Paul Kim
    Paul Kim 2 months ago +1

    And it was at that moment that John realized he forgot his silver clip with a $50 dollar bill

    SUPERBLT 2 months ago

    If you look up JJ bittenbinder you can see his class its called like. Streetsmarts hkw to not be a victim

  • xxIluvyouguysxx
    xxIluvyouguysxx 2 months ago

    His face in the thumbnail is *everything*

  • Katie Foley
    Katie Foley 2 months ago

    the absolute terror in johns eyes when he thought bittenbinder was there

  • Herman Falck How
    Herman Falck How 2 months ago

    Mulaney really is a modern Seinfeld. He is truly amazing.

  • Erin Jackson
    Erin Jackson 2 months ago

    *S T R E E T S M A R T S*

  • Laura Hewitt
    Laura Hewitt 2 months ago +4

    I went to St. Clements' and what doesn't get brought up is this guy would take the girls aside for a *special* class. He told us if someone tried to snatch us off the street, we should 1. pee or vomit on ourselves; 2. pretend to faint because criminals are too lazy to pick up a person and people would look at him weirdly if he was carrying a passed-out seventh-grader. He really was big on "throw them off their rhythm" and quite terrifying.

  • Aidan Luong
    Aidan Luong 2 months ago +1

    They didn’t know where we were going, we were like dogs without horses

  • Matt Pashby
    Matt Pashby 2 months ago

    The subtitle says High Wickham but it's spelled High Wycombe

  • Mk 13
    Mk 13 2 months ago

    Zooey Deschanel looks so comfortable

  • Awesomest Chosen One
    Awesomest Chosen One 2 months ago +1

    Okay but the sheer HORROR on John Mulaney’s face when James says J.J Bittenbinder is there

  • Fox Spirit21
    Fox Spirit21 2 months ago +2

    I saw Bittenbinder and I clicked instantly.

  • Nancy O'Malley
    Nancy O'Malley 2 months ago

    Bittenbinder, you had to have worn a cowboy hat for 8 year old John to remember it!

  • Yasi Soufi
    Yasi Soufi 2 months ago

    The Bittenbinder sense of style killed me!! And the fact that we the 80’s and 90’s kid were like cats!!!!

  • Mel Melodies
    Mel Melodies 2 months ago +1


  • Jessica Ramirez
    Jessica Ramirez 2 months ago

    Am I missing something? Why is Zoey wearing an ice skating outfit? Hair and all.... Love John Mulaney!! When I'm saying bye to my daughters, I dont say stay safe anymore. Now I say, "Street Smarts with JJ Bittenbinder!!" XD

  • Alexia T.K.
    Alexia T.K. 3 months ago

    James: He's here tonight.
    John: Where the fuck is a secondary location when you need one.

  • nerdyhotdog
    nerdyhotdog 3 months ago

    John threw JJ Bittenbinder off of his rythym

  • Gabrielle K
    Gabrielle K 3 months ago

    5:35 If only loki took his advice

  • Obelisk
    Obelisk 3 months ago

    I real Detective Bittenbinder as Benedict Cumberbatch.

  • Aaron Norcross
    Aaron Norcross 3 months ago


  • Hazabajazz
    Hazabajazz 3 months ago

    James needs to come back to high Wycombe and see how much you need those self defense lessons, there's a stabbing every other day

  • Revenant
    Revenant 3 months ago

    That was genuinely the best and most shocking fake-out I’ve ever seen on a talk show.

  • Hayley Speight Madden
    Hayley Speight Madden 3 months ago

    Zooey Deschanel and John Mulaney need to star as a couple in a quirky Wes Anderson-esque comedy drama set in the 1960s ☆

  • Malay .D
    Malay .D 3 months ago

    Seeing John in this and then describing the exact same thing on Off-Camera is just weird

    VIRGINIA SMITH 3 months ago

    mulaney is so obviously operating at 5% capacity right now but even at his lowest power level exerting as little effort as he is capable of deschanel and corden pale so hard in comparison that they become translucent. or i wish they did anyway because then i could watch this and only see john mulaney without having to deal with the other two tripping over themselves in an attempt to match the energy he packs in one word

  • Marissa Hruby
    Marissa Hruby 3 months ago


  • R33 ster
    R33 ster 3 months ago

    Zooey looks so beautiful here. You can really see the resemblance between her and Emily with her hair like that.

  • Zanzo Abdul
    Zanzo Abdul 3 months ago

    who is this LADY shes faking SO HARD

  • Brastius
    Brastius 3 months ago

    We had two people who came to our school. One was a guy from the fire department who had this cool triangle-like device that, when all 3 doors marked heat, fuel and oxygen were closed, would start a little fire inside of it. The other person was Granny Goodwitch, and she would come every Halloween to hand out candy and tell a ghost story.

  • It's Just Me
    It's Just Me 3 months ago

    I love this tall child

  • James Leffel
    James Leffel 3 months ago +1

    Zooey, sit this one out, babe. We'll come back to plugging New Girl soon.

  • Mariam Prater
    Mariam Prater 3 months ago

    "What are you going to do, butter him to death?"
    I feel like Loki would take personal offense from the grave.

  • Suzan Wood
    Suzan Wood 3 months ago

    I'm pretty sure Zooey Deschanel is wearing a dress I wore for a figure skating competition.

  • Good news everyone
    Good news everyone 3 months ago

    we wondered around too jfdslkfj

  • Ayana Pitre
    Ayana Pitre 3 months ago

    Legit watching Kid Gorgeous rn and I legit looked up JJ Bittenbinder

  • Michi Go
    Michi Go 3 months ago +2

    John’s face at 3:40 is so CUTE

  • NoodleDaddy
    NoodleDaddy 4 months ago

    john is way funnier than the blonde guy

  • Stef C
    Stef C 4 months ago

    for anyone who loves John's Bittenbinder bit, the Street Smarts seminar is on TVclip and I highly recommend you watch all 3 parts, just type in 'Detective Bittenbinder Street Smarts'. You're welcome

  • Zo Bo
    Zo Bo 4 months ago

    What a beautiful Asian American woman

  • ajgreen1997
    ajgreen1997 4 months ago

    I didn’t realize that was Zooey Deschanel until more than halfway thru the video I’m not gonna lie

  • blur blur
    blur blur 4 months ago

    i thought Detective Bittenbinder was that guy from Dr Strange