Why Pirates Were Nothing Like You Think - Hilarious Helmet History

  • Published on Oct 27, 2017
  • Thinking of being a pirate for Halloween? Well, you can keep the peg leg, but lose the gold, and perhaps consider a privateer’s charter from a European power. Historical accuracy always goes over great at parties!
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  • ComedyComedy

Comments • 1 643

  • SarSaraneth
    SarSaraneth 25 minutes ago

    Columbus never landed in America. What bullshit are you trying to teach?

  • Meme Juul
    Meme Juul 9 hours ago

    So we aren’t going to talk about how pirates were rapists?


    K fine jeez

  • Boby Berry
    Boby Berry 12 days ago

    Thank you for being honest

  • TheBloodpredator
    TheBloodpredator 16 days ago

    Yet those imperial powers also brought many changes with them along with carnage, go to England and call a veteran there an imperialist and see what happens from there

  • BigBoyBill
    BigBoyBill 17 days ago +2

    There was more than 1 pirate base please do more research before you make these videos

    • Boby Berry
      Boby Berry 12 days ago +1

      The one he mentioned was more of a town/small city. I'm sure there were dozens of bases.

  • Dave Alan
    Dave Alan 22 days ago

    So if I don’t leave sources then I made most of it up?
    Edit: that accent is actually an Early Modern English accent

  • Bob Johnson
    Bob Johnson Month ago

    Could the makers of this video not found a more beta male as a narrator? He hates himself. I hate him too. Very annoying.

  • Derek Otter
    Derek Otter Month ago

    Dude it takes like 2 minutes, just iron your sweater

  • Emmett Leone-Woods
    Emmett Leone-Woods Month ago

    Caribbean Piracy could also be seen as an odd form of labor uprising. A lot of sailors in the merchant fleets turned pirate in response to poor pay and draconian and tyrannical captains. In a way piracy could be seen as forced wealth redistribution. Also pirate ships were among the first democracies in the New World. There were also many pirate havens in the New World not just Port Royal. These included Tortuga, Barataria Bay, Campeche, Matanzas, St. Thomas, New Providence (The Great Pirate Republic), Virgin Gorda, and Rhode Island.... yes *THAT* Rhode Island.

  • Carla Ferraccini
    Carla Ferraccini Month ago

    well... when many spices at that time cost more than gold at the time and are undeniably MUCH lighter... I would rather carry bags of saffron instead of gold too.

  • Goank MAHDI
    Goank MAHDI Month ago +1

    No Somali I'm the captain jokes?

  • Dgamer youtube
    Dgamer youtube Month ago

    What about the king of the pirates aka captain Avery aka Henry Avery aka ______ bridgman

  • Metamodern Radio
    Metamodern Radio Month ago

    The Jolly Rodger - Jollie Rouge thing is probably not a mistake but rhyming slang. English cockneys used to enjoy creating complex rhyming slang.

  • T VB
    T VB Month ago

    What's funny is this actually was their last episode

  • payson terhune
    payson terhune 2 months ago

    oh no let's hate on white people...and I'm a descendant of RL Stevenson so when I call you an idiot it counts...plus I'm the reincarnation of Mary Read. So there. Please don't get a butthurt and take this too seriously....but if you do, I'm more than ready ..

    • payson terhune
      payson terhune 2 months ago

      oh, and even Disney showcased female Chinese pirate queens you whiney geek

  • Historical Accuracy
    Historical Accuracy 2 months ago

    Saying Port Royal was the only major pirate controlled port city ever is about as historically accurate as my profile picture. Ever heard of Tortuga? Or how about Nassau?

  • Zacharai
    Zacharai 2 months ago +1

    You didn't mention that the eye patch trick was also used for going from the bright sun to below deck to steal goods.

    • James Bennett
      James Bennett Month ago

      It wasn't purely for boarding other ships, it was mostly used when going above/below decks on their own ships.

  • Sonnyd Plays1273
    Sonnyd Plays1273 2 months ago

    U have ruined my childhood

  • Marc Depillars
    Marc Depillars 2 months ago +1

    I guess, only China and Europe had sailing capability. It's asinine to speak of the CARRIBEAN, spice and rum merchants, as well as navigation, ignoring the Morano, Moor, Black Nobles and the Dutch

  • Pamela Mays
    Pamela Mays 2 months ago

    Go Pirates!

  • Juan Trujillo
    Juan Trujillo 2 months ago +1

    Fuck the British

  • 怨霊ヨシマ
    怨霊ヨシマ 2 months ago

    You're interesting and entertaining. Never stop to give us your stuff

  • 怨霊ヨシマ
    怨霊ヨシマ 2 months ago +1

    You're interesting and entertaining. Never stop to give us your stuff

  • Jake OB
    Jake OB 2 months ago

    Rip this channel

  • Kari
    Kari 2 months ago

    Nah, I would MUCH rather dress like a sterotypical "AARRRGGGHH" pirate, than a baseball pirate. The Seven Seas pirates had way more bling and style than the Pirates who play with balls all day. 😁

  • Christian Knuchel
    Christian Knuchel 2 months ago

    Summary: Early modern European pirates were the mujahideen-then-al-qaeda of their time.

  • Jack Lost
    Jack Lost 2 months ago

    But it's a hat

  • Sarah says hello
    Sarah says hello 2 months ago

    I actually knew the eye patch one

  • Programming Cafe
    Programming Cafe 2 months ago

    I like how he said that pirates were mostly non-white in the beginning, only to say that most pirates were white near the end

  • StivyIvy
    StivyIvy 2 months ago

    Wait if only a tiny portion of pirates were white Europeans, what were the rest of them?

  • uluc coban
    uluc coban 3 months ago

    What about turkish pirates like Barbaros Hayrettin Paşa?

  • mike bernhardt
    mike bernhardt 3 months ago

    This guy seriously needs to watch black sails and play assassins creed black flag

  • Adam St.Martin
    Adam St.Martin 3 months ago

    March 10, 2019- So it is like this.. British Royal Navy created Pirates to attack the Spaniards in the year of 1600's and then when it was succeeded. British attacked pirates for nothing..
    Years after... 1990's United States created Al Queada Osama Bin Laden to attack the Soviet Russia.When that succeeded..2001 Al Qaeda Osama Bin Laden Terrorist attacks United States because of United States betrayed Osama Bin Laden.. United States paid these terrorists to fight the communist Russia..
    So really United States really are the devil.. It wasn't the Taliban fault for attacking U.S..
    There is a mystery about what's going on with United States.
    So THE TRUTH does really comes out! Nobody wants to talk about it.. pointing fingers at someone is really is bad.. you blame on them and it is really you.. That's why United States is very full of bad evil Republicans. Hiring terrorists and teaming up with Putin's Russia.. Trump's evil devil worshipers empire!

  • Geoffrey Engelbrecht
    Geoffrey Engelbrecht 3 months ago

    You had the Union Flag upside down on the map of Jamaica. Unless your intention was to send a signal of distress I assume this was a mistake. However you also used the wrong version of it for the time. St Patrick's cross was only added in 1801. The version before 1801 only contained St George's and St Andrew's crosses and was symmetrical top to bottom so you couldn't make the mistake of flying it upside down.

  • chrononator344
    chrononator344 3 months ago


  • Jon Offani
    Jon Offani 3 months ago

    Hey, I didn't know Jimmi Simpson had a TVclip channel.

  • Justin Hackstadt
    Justin Hackstadt 3 months ago

    The losing of hands and losing legs where mostly due to disease and spreading of bacteria. Gangrene is from an untreated infection and left untreated will need to be amputated. Bad stuff.

  • fivepointsgang
    fivepointsgang 3 months ago +2

    Wait, THIS WAS their last episode. RIP, Alex, you're my favourite cracked bae.

  • Robert Karp
    Robert Karp 3 months ago

    Buccaneer weren't defeated through hanging, they were tamed by bringing in women for them. Also the Buccaneers were rallied under Henry Morgan to fight the Spanish and sacked Panama twice and Henry Morgan was Knighted for his a accomplishments.

  • Chase Sutherland
    Chase Sutherland 3 months ago

    Jolie rouge means pretty red

  • don don
    don don 3 months ago

    well for us un asia piracy is when you burn a movie in a cheap dvd disc and sell it without authorization.....🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • Mureithi Kivuti
    Mureithi Kivuti 4 months ago

    ''This is my last episode im going to jail''
    Its been over a year. Probably in jail

  • Finn MACBOOK
    Finn MACBOOK 4 months ago

    i played sea of thieves... im thinking of a thicc man extremely drunk while eating a banana

  • twighla dove
    twighla dove 4 months ago

    You said Jolie wrong, also Jolie rouge translated to English means “happy red” yeah I love the French.

  • Joseph Flores
    Joseph Flores 4 months ago

    Masculinity is dead, he looks weak and frail.

  • country boy
    country boy 4 months ago

    oh great now i'm addicted to *CRACKED*

  • Kat Wernery
    Kat Wernery 4 months ago

    Horrible histories also has a great skit on real pirate life!!!!
    Love watching and reading about history

  • Matt Nar
    Matt Nar 4 months ago

    Put me off this video within the first minute with that anti Johnny Depp shit. Cracked, lose this soyboy.

  • Andrew Stahl
    Andrew Stahl 4 months ago

    If the chicks weren’t so hot in these tick tok adds I wouldn’t even watch them.

  • Joe59788
    Joe59788 4 months ago

    2:50 the eye patch wasn't just for at night. There wasn't windows below in the hull. You'd need night vision to be able to see. Mythbusters did a whole thing on it. episode 71

  • gabriel mansbach
    gabriel mansbach 4 months ago

    The purpose of the eyepatch was to be able to adjust to the darkness below deck where gunpowder was stored and therefore flames were highly discouraged.

  • Brando Colossus
    Brando Colossus 4 months ago

    Butt pirate.

  • Coge un Libro
    Coge un Libro 4 months ago

    Anglosaxons = pirates

  • Eleni 1979
    Eleni 1979 4 months ago

    Sigh, Johnny Depp before|he went nuckin futz......

  • OMID
    OMID 4 months ago

    Lol when he said the brits created the pirates, I was wondering if someone was going to relate us to today.... with isis

  • ResidentStump
    ResidentStump 4 months ago

    4:13 And there it is.

  • Dale Huxtable
    Dale Huxtable 4 months ago

    Barti ddu

  • Brent Alan Adam Landgrave

    Huh...the Spanish raping and pillaging...yeah, what's new in this day and age? They're still a bunch of looters and thieves.

    • Brent Alan Adam Landgrave
      Brent Alan Adam Landgrave 4 months ago

      @Cluckery Duckery No, just looking at how that kind of person acts and articulately describing what is seen. The Spanish are the worst people on the planet. And out of the Spanish, the Puerto Ricans are the worst of the fucking worst. How profound.

    • Cluckery Duckery
      Cluckery Duckery 4 months ago

      Brent Alan Adam Landgrave did you have a bad experience in Spain or something?

  • The Canuck Crusade
    The Canuck Crusade 4 months ago

    Oh yeah anything but white European pirates is cool! Anyone who did some simple reading on Wikipedia would know these obvious facts. Blackbeard was a genius for his skill in psychological warfare and intimidation, he had like 20 wives, he wore 3 pistols on his belt, stuck burning wick in his hat and beard,, people thought he was the devil when he boarded a ship. He went down with over 20 shots, cuts and stabs in his body. And yes they were pirates, who actually thought they were like Disney characters. They took slaves and also freed them. They used people like cargo and among them there were a few cruel ones.
    A lot of pirates adopted flags with skulls or skeletons on them.
    I don't care about comparing historical figures based on skin color, grow up. There's badasses all over the world in history. We know these best because they were part of European history and have been romanticized in European culture

  • John Pewzey
    John Pewzey 4 months ago

    Piracy is something that has existed about as long as humanity. Vikings were pirates and that was hundreds of years before the 16th and 17th century. Definitely not a “blip” on the radar. Piracy even exists today.

  • nooctip
    nooctip 4 months ago

    Arr matey wither ye be buccaneer, corsair, or privateer ye need to be keel hauled for this video. Most of what ye say be wrong. For instance yes pirates buried their gold. Aye no where near as many as people think. There be but two cases I know of. One was only temporary and they dug it back up a couple of day later. And the other is questionable. Some say the tale be true. Others say the Captain was just trying to bribe himself out of the trial.

  • jew hawk
    jew hawk 4 months ago

    But wait, so the us was fighting pirates and the British in the early hundreds?

  • mason vancour
    mason vancour 4 months ago

    I’m sure someone else has said this already in the comments, but the eye patch I heard was for the captain to be able to go in and out of his captains quarters which had much less light than outside. He’s able to read maps inside and run out to see what’s happening and order the men

  • celtic barbarian
    celtic barbarian 5 months ago

    LOL proxy army's and they're / Anglo-American Empire are still doing it today .

  • Ankit Saha
    Ankit Saha 5 months ago +1

    Please make one for -Why Thugs Were Nothing Like You Think
    the world should know the truth about Thugee tribe

  • Øyi
    Øyi 5 months ago

    so western civilization were taking slaves from all over the world more than originally recorded goddammit yall whites really need to stop

  • asfdg asdcv
    asfdg asdcv 5 months ago

    I think pyrate is pronounced more like pie-rayte

  • Cisco4kid1990
    Cisco4kid1990 5 months ago

    Pirates and Buccaneers are two different things a Pirate self-employed while a Buccaneer was employed by kingdoms like Britain France Portugal to attack Spain's ships filed with gold they are not the same and most pirates where at one point buccaneers but see all the gold they would capture vs all the gold they could keep aka they gave most of it to the kings of the counties and also due to laws that past outlawing buccaneers making it a crime most turned to becoming pirates living for them selves taking their ships and robbing others even after this law buccaneers got a new job to kill pirates but the same thing happen for most they would find the gold and instead of giving it to a king would keep it for them selves meaning they did in fact not work for the man and that the two where different not only in name but in jobs

  • Cisco4kid1990
    Cisco4kid1990 5 months ago

    Britian Portuguese France and other counties was the real reasons for real pirates they where Buccaneers

  • Cisco4kid1990
    Cisco4kid1990 5 months ago

    you couldn't even get a good enough realish pirate hat SMH

  • Sky Johnson
    Sky Johnson 5 months ago

    Bring back O'Brien

  • Jesse
    Jesse 5 months ago

    Also- as someone who's spent an ungodly amount of time reading about late 17th century bucaneers, then privateers then finally pirates into the early 18th century - he got a LOT wrong.
    Not least of which, that history of Pyrates book is actually considered to be a pretty darn good source, however - the same author penned a sequel - which is the book that's been largely discredited as mostly fiction.

  • Spika Rooni
    Spika Rooni 5 months ago

    bring back Cracked

  • d.j. Shelnutt
    d.j. Shelnutt 5 months ago

    What about Awilda (or Alvida) who formed a pirate crew comprised entirely of women?
    (Thank you One Piece.)

  • first Impression
    first Impression 5 months ago

    Is he really going to jail ? I can´t tell reality from fiction anymore...

  • Cernunnos  Wild
    Cernunnos Wild 5 months ago

    Real life is so much more entertaining than Hollywood. And the details of real history too much for them to get right.

  • Kevin Sam
    Kevin Sam 5 months ago

    So if pirates were not white? What is their color?brown ishh black??

  • Sulla Felix
    Sulla Felix 5 months ago

    "China's long history of massive pirate fleets often led by women." Except, Cheng I Sao, was pretty much the only female Chinese pirate captain. On the other hand, against what this numb nut was saying, there have been Mary Read, Anne Bonney, Grace O'Malley, Rachel Wall, and Jeanne de Clisson to name a few.

  • bricktothehead
    bricktothehead 5 months ago

    I never knew there was National Talk Like a Pirate Day. How funny and Interesting.

  • The Curious Noob
    The Curious Noob 5 months ago

    Sailing was complex and an incredibly skilled job. No random noob could be a modern sailor who needed complex math to use instruments. No wonder Cracked is dead. The whole "slave sailor" thing is a myth.

  • Emprise
    Emprise 5 months ago

    Cool history lesson and it's true.. Still doesn't stop you from being a self-hatred soi boi

  • misterstripes
    misterstripes 5 months ago

    Not a very accurate video, this is like calling pizza hut real italian cuisine.

  • PsychoMango
    PsychoMango 5 months ago

    Ya want my treasure you can have it I left it all in One Place..

  • Geki Games
    Geki Games 5 months ago

    you should explain the real barbossa

  • Abdirashid Hassan
    Abdirashid Hassan 5 months ago

    So why is he saying ''White European'' in a derogatory way? He is insulting a whole race of people. Jesus if someone used the terms Black African to me in such insulting manner I would slap the shit out of them. How the hell have white people come to hate themselves to such an extent?

  • rwcxre rwecervc
    rwcxre rwecervc 5 months ago +1

    Why does this guy come off as such a smug asshole when explaining things

  • Slimy Boy
    Slimy Boy 6 months ago +1

    Cheng Ya Sao, I think is her name was the Pirate Queen, who had a fleet comparable to the Chinese Navy. I LEARNED THIS ON EXTRA CREDITS LOOK THEM UP PLEASE THEY ARE PRETTY COOL!!!!

  • local thankyou
    local thankyou 6 months ago

    I just wanted to learn about pirates, instead I got a gay skeleton spewing self-hatred. Cracked, more like CRAPPED.

  • The Person
    The Person 6 months ago

    Christopher Columbus never reaches North America, so I hope you mean Central.

  • Josh Blick
    Josh Blick 6 months ago

    The eye patches were not for nighttime. They were for going down below the decks during the day from sunlight to darkness

  • malayneum
    malayneum 6 months ago

    the eye patch theory is interesting. never knew that. good job.

  • The exploring photographer - Jacques le Roux

    04:20 yep the UK also created concentration camps and locked woman and children up in it

  • God Of Thunder
    God Of Thunder 6 months ago

    I learned a few new things from this video, thanks for the video self hating soy fueled boy.

  • sun Tao
    sun Tao 7 months ago

    WOW-what an eye-opener, thanx pretty impressive for a computer nerd:)

  • The Puzzler
    The Puzzler 7 months ago

    Why are pirates mean?

    They just Rrrrrrr!

  • Unnatural09
    Unnatural09 7 months ago

    If you need patreon to start your own channel for hilarious helmet I'm ready to set it up for you...please do it

  • AdonisGaming93
    AdonisGaming93 7 months ago

    pirates of the Caribbean doesn't claim to have many lawless islands....in fact they keep going back to tortuga because that was about the only place really like it....who does your research?

  • AdonisGaming93
    AdonisGaming93 7 months ago

    I was going along with it until yous aid the eye-patch night vision trick....that's been debunked....it literally would not be worth the extra few seconds at the cost of severely imparied 3D vision and ability of depth perception....plus eyes adjust to darkness fairly quickly so it would be completely stupid.

  • Rumiant Guild
    Rumiant Guild 7 months ago

    you forgot to mention GOL D. ROGER the pirate king and the location of one piece

  • TigerClaw!
    TigerClaw! 7 months ago

    How real is One Piece? I mean about the being a Pirate