Desperate Defense: Wallet

  • Published on May 22, 2019
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    You find yourself trapped in a high-security pawn shop when a gang of vengeful Andorians kick the door open and start accusing you of espionage. You don't know what they're talking about, but you can tell this won't end peacefully. All of the pawn items are locked up, but you happen to have brought your wallet -- with intent to buy. Do you bother using the wallet when things go sideways?
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Comments • 676

  • Frank
    Frank Day ago

    I actually have a zipper pocket in my wallet for coins, so I could seal in a load pretty easily

  • eboniz
    eboniz 29 days ago

    when u can’t crumple the money because we have plastic notes in the uk

  • thegamecracks
    thegamecracks Month ago

    Brian: But I was fighting for self defense!
    Judge: You were screaming "desperate defense" as you assaulted someone with a wallet.

    • The Modern Rogue
      The Modern Rogue  Month ago

      Brian: is... is that not how self defense works?
      Brian’s lawyer: **facepalm**

  • Lori Wolfcat
    Lori Wolfcat Month ago

    What about using your iPhone??

  • Free Bite
    Free Bite Month ago

    I would say a zipper wallet would work for the load bit, grab some small rocks or something, zip it up and go.

  • Patrick Wise
    Patrick Wise Month ago

    Fists (0), Bobby Pins (1), Lightbulbs (3), Matches (3), Hair Spray (4), Spare Board (4) and BFG (10). IMHO, chucking wadded-up bills as a getaway vehicle sounds like the best option so far. Improvised saps won't be allowed in most government buildings so you're left with knife defense. Another option not covered here is a throw-away wallet. Only keep cash in it and if you are mugged or threatened you can throw your wallet at them.
    I'll give this one a 4 purely for the psychology of being able to getaway.

  • ET Hardcorgamer
    ET Hardcorgamer Month ago

    I feel like it’d be better to toss the empty wallet and run with no weight in it lol

  • Wolf NZ Outdoors
    Wolf NZ Outdoors 2 months ago +3

    So... I take out my wallet and swat them with it... then use the cloud of cards, till receipts and assorted other crap that spills out of it as a makeshift "smoke screen" to mask my escape...

  • Dill55
    Dill55 2 months ago

    Use it as a sling and sling hexnuts at them

  • Leonidas Trash Spartan
    Leonidas Trash Spartan 2 months ago +1

    If you had a wallet chain like I do,
    your wallet becomes a long range weapon that you can use to keep someone from advancing towards you.
    Especially if you twirl it in an eight figure like in the nunchuck episode.

  • Etan Ben-Ami
    Etan Ben-Ami 2 months ago

    A 1" oak or hickory crook handled cane does wonders -- and you can take your cane anywhere.

  • Matthew Hubka
    Matthew Hubka 2 months ago

    Brian: just throw money at the ground
    Me: that’s pay to win

  • Alex Whynot
    Alex Whynot 2 months ago

    Try a women’s wallet because they are generally a lot bulkier and have zippers to put heavy things in

  • Kosher King of Israel
    Kosher King of Israel 2 months ago

    "The human body is not made for fighting" but it is, which is why it would hurt your fist.

  • You were expecting a name, but it was me, DIO!

    Put a loaded gun in your wallet

  • Lukas Finswed
    Lukas Finswed 3 months ago

    If there is a special pocket in the wallet for coins I'd say that would work quite well. Also, if you have a chain on it, I mean, obvious weapon.

  • Why Should I
    Why Should I 3 months ago


  • cmatrix4761
    cmatrix4761 3 months ago +2

    lol incidentally, in case anyone cares, you actually don't want to compare to fists; you'd be surprised how easily you break the little bones in there. I mean, sure - matches, not great. But many of these things are actually better than fists by the sheer fact you're not risking disabling yourself by fracturing your knuckles.

  • Joh447
    Joh447 3 months ago

    You could just sew some shot into the lining of the wallet or something

  • Avarickan
    Avarickan 3 months ago +1

    My wallet has a zippered pocket for holding loose change.

    I don't carry a lot of change, but it's probably enough to hurt, and it wouldn't fly out of the wallet.

  • Scholar2014
    Scholar2014 3 months ago

    What if the wallets got a zipper?

  • Chaplain James Thicc
    Chaplain James Thicc 3 months ago +2

    >Longer 2x4

  • Aden Cain
    Aden Cain 3 months ago

    Life is just a pay to win

  • Plox
    Plox 3 months ago

    Idk about that one ive a extra pocket in my wallet with a zipper where i could theoretically put in a lot of coins :/

  • Ethen Pillay
    Ethen Pillay 3 months ago

    If you had an Aussie 50c this could totally work

  • Joseph Cunningham
    Joseph Cunningham 3 months ago

    My grandpa is a csm in the sf airborne

  • Paige McLaughlin
    Paige McLaughlin 3 months ago

    You should test a purse. A fully loaded purse is a Problem.

  • Wiebe Berndsen
    Wiebe Berndsen 3 months ago

    Walet whit chance pouch

  • Nikokiowa Lee
    Nikokiowa Lee 3 months ago

    I mean the coin thing is a stretch but try with credit cards, the heavy burden of your unpaid debt would surely add some heft that won't try to leave you like money does.

  • Jacob Keary
    Jacob Keary 3 months ago

    *_The bills wouldn't work on Canada because 1:the bills don't really crumple and 2: they're different colors_*

  • Ian Benavides
    Ian Benavides 3 months ago

    I usually keep like 7$ of mixed coins in my wallet and I can attest that shit hurts like a bitch

  • MrTingles
    MrTingles 3 months ago

    sock + half brick.

  • Mexie Mex
    Mexie Mex 3 months ago

    As a magician, Brian should have been using a fire wallet, I bet that would be ***FAR*** more effective!

  • Kelly
    Kelly 3 months ago

    Sock with a bar of soap

  • Nathan Olmstead
    Nathan Olmstead 3 months ago

    I imagine it would be easy to get some big flat washers and sew them into your wallet lining and they wouldn't be as bulky as hex nuts and you could just always have your wallet prepped in advance. Not sure you would ever be able to go through an airport with that wallet though.

  • Dominic Moonpace
    Dominic Moonpace 3 months ago

    Walmart wallet 1299 has a pocket for change and can hold quite a bit of change

  • Darkrunn Doomsday
    Darkrunn Doomsday 3 months ago

    PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!! Never try to catch a knife with a damn wallet. Even if you have real leather, any decent blade will go right through it, and best case scenario, you get cut on the hand.

    • The Modern Rogue
      The Modern Rogue  3 months ago

      It’s not called “rational defense,” or even “competent defense.”
      It’s called “desperate defense” for a reason.

  • OJC 200109
    OJC 200109 3 months ago

    So its pay to win

  • Mitchell Plummer
    Mitchell Plummer 3 months ago

    CC Size steel plate

  • rujul arora
    rujul arora 3 months ago

    Slutsky RIP highschool

  • 710thcentury digitalboy

    man a lot of guy's don't realize they carry a purse in these comments, if it can carry change it's for a woman guys.

  • Marc Rosbourgh
    Marc Rosbourgh 3 months ago

    It is far more effective to drop the wallet as a distraction. And counter attack while they attention is diverted. Use your belt as a whip.

  • bandit
    bandit 3 months ago

    Just keep a $50 bill in a money clip and Throw it at the first sign of danger, the JJ Bitinbinder method

  • Chaos Contained
    Chaos Contained 3 months ago

    most wallets ive used have had zippers or at the very least pouches for change, and i actually used it like a "sap" as you called it against a kid that tried to hit me(back in highschool), so its pretty effective so long as you have a few dollars in change

  • Jason Wittevrongel
    Jason Wittevrongel 3 months ago +2

    The Modern rogue, i believe they would use a "newer" wallet with change, you know the kind that has a compartment for your coins that you can zip or button up, idk what this taping up your wallet is all about :p REVISIT THIS ! :p

  • Jayden Croke
    Jayden Croke 3 months ago

    6:10 I don't think you can have a longer 2x4

  • enoughofyourkoicarp
    enoughofyourkoicarp 3 months ago

    I'm loving the fact that Brian is diversifying his acting portfolio by re-imagining Pink Panther's Kato.

  • darkmikasonfire
    darkmikasonfire 3 months ago

    the wallet changes things too, my wallet has an area with a pouch for change, it also zips shut, if you have a wallet like that and always put change in it, you likely never take the change out. so it gets fairly weighted and that stuff isn't coming out unless I unzip it or it explodes open from me beating someone in the head with it I guess.

  • Ryal Deveau
    Ryal Deveau 3 months ago

    Why did no one pull a wallet that actually has stuff in it. Cards, coins, other random shit, hell i have a 2 oz steel challenge coin in mine.

  • Clarson, Mycheal
    Clarson, Mycheal 3 months ago

    I love you guys

  • Crusader Of the internet

    What is you carry around a wallet with the sap and tape on all the time

  • Aaron Kortas
    Aaron Kortas 3 months ago

    Paracord monkeys fist with ball bearing center would be at least as effective as your sap

  • Chirag Amatya
    Chirag Amatya 3 months ago

    some wallets have zippers so u can just put something heavy inside the zipper

  • Nick Ergezi
    Nick Ergezi 3 months ago

    Rogue's Revenge is an amazing hat and a even better weapon

  • Dalton Schrader
    Dalton Schrader 3 months ago

    I have a zipper pocket on my wallet and jeep a challenge coin it in

  • Cooper Beggs
    Cooper Beggs 3 months ago

    2:12 man you guys are weird. This is a big suspicious

  • Frederikja
    Frederikja 3 months ago +1

    If you had a longer 2 by 4, especially if you hand it to him, like you just did.
    Gold right there

  • Michael Huikeshoven
    Michael Huikeshoven 3 months ago +1

    Next improved weapon grandmother/mother's loafer or slipper.

  • Thunderhowl
    Thunderhowl 3 months ago

    I had a friend who worked site security. He carried a spare empty wallet so when he would get mugged he could throw it on the ground. When the mugger bent down to pick it up, he’d get a MagLite to the dome. Allegedly.

  • Jay's Brick Co.
    Jay's Brick Co. 3 months ago
    Seems legit