Compilation Of Michael's Best Jokes About Babies And Toddlers | Michael McIntyre

  • Published on May 29, 2019
  • Trying to make a baby, overdue baby, playgroup and teaching babies to walk and talk.
    Twitter: @McInTweet
    #MichaelMcIntyre #Babies
  • ComedyComedy

Comments • 113

  • AwstheticBunny
    AwstheticBunny 17 hours ago

    I am so happy I found this dude. Best comedian EVER!

  • Tabetha Howell
    Tabetha Howell 2 days ago

    He really is fantastic

  • Chloe Hughes
    Chloe Hughes 2 days ago +1

    "Nooooo Jeeewwws" 😂😂

  • Sarah
    Sarah 3 days ago +1

    *G* for _GNOME_

  • Alex Smith
    Alex Smith 4 days ago +1

    Saying no to do you not not want to go to bed still means you do not want to go to bed

  • Hullo There
    Hullo There 4 days ago +4

    Being Jewish myself this is really funny;)😘

  • The dabu2dabu
    The dabu2dabu 5 days ago

    What an exceptionally mediocre comedian.

  • Lucy Kinnear
    Lucy Kinnear 5 days ago

    N for n-n-n darling any help
    Ahhhh knickers

  • Beckie Hayden
    Beckie Hayden 10 days ago

    I couldn’t stop laughing the whole vid omg 🤣

  • Tip Aly
    Tip Aly 10 days ago

    I couldn’t say truck, some how fire truck became fire fuck.....

  • Hannah Jardine
    Hannah Jardine 11 days ago +9

    My little brother says no all the time! It’s so funny he’s 18 months and it’s so cute 🤣 and Micheal is so funnyand what he says is so true as well 🤣😂🤣😂

  • Ivy Nyako-Agyakwa
    Ivy Nyako-Agyakwa 12 days ago

    1:56 🤣🤣🤣

  • Mini Me
    Mini Me 12 days ago +1

    I love Michael McIntyre but he does do too much stuff on children and babies.
    Not everybody has them, so cannot find it funny, keep it general 👍

    • Mini Me
      Mini Me 6 days ago

      @Rebecca W That is such a stupid thing to say. Give me strength.

    • Rebecca W
      Rebecca W 6 days ago

      But you have been a child, Mini Me. So relate. 🙄

    • Mini Me
      Mini Me 12 days ago

      And now all I have in my TVclip recommended is bloody stories about babies 😡🤬 I don't care FFS 🙄

  • Ed Tulborn
    Ed Tulborn 12 days ago +2

    Is michael strait

  • Sarah Price
    Sarah Price 16 days ago +4

    I mean it's the oxytocin level that induces labour also produced by the body eating spicy food and having sex.

  • Corentin Thibaudeau
    Corentin Thibaudeau 16 days ago +2

    It should be X for Xanax lol
    "You'll need that when you grow up love"

  • Jem. grice
    Jem. grice 16 days ago +4

    6:52 “It’s snowing In August” Michaels been watching Nanny McPhee

  • Mister Physics
    Mister Physics 16 days ago +2

    Men are fertile every fucking day, it's not worth a fucking clap, and his wife created both boys on her own, Michael, your contribution was 10cc's of snot. She risked her life, you risked fuck all.

  • Tricorvus
    Tricorvus 20 days ago +2

    Have you seen the Boston hornbook Primer? "Xerxes the Great did die; and so muft you and I". At least Xylophone is cheery XD XP

  • Raz
    Raz 21 day ago +1

    N for nibba

  • tiptoes209
    tiptoes209 22 days ago

    K for knee, p for pneumonia, o for opossum....

  • Mortamarmorgan
    Mortamarmorgan 22 days ago +2

    “G” for “nome”

    • Nick Winz
      Nick Winz 18 days ago

      Might get wooooshed for this, but...
      Garden Gnome

  • Erin Schweikart
    Erin Schweikart 27 days ago +23

    I worked with a lady who was Native American. In her native language the word for cold sounds like "ah jew" She said when she took her son to the doctor her son kept saying he was cold in their native tongue. The doctor was Jewish. She had to explain to the doctor what her son was actually saying. Kids and language barriers, you gotta love it! :-)

  • nchia
    nchia 28 days ago +2

    Why am I crying? 😭

    • Laznee
      Laznee 10 days ago

      smile .as-default if every time I cried I had a chocolate I’d be sooooooo fat honestly 😂😶

    • smile .as-default
      smile .as-default 13 days ago

      Are you ok? Have a chocolate

    • Hind Baba
      Hind Baba 27 days ago

      I hope you OK now

  • M E
    M E 28 days ago

    I hate babies

    • Red Rhino
      Red Rhino 12 days ago

      That’s why I’m pRo-AbOrTiOn

    • Mister Physics
      Mister Physics 16 days ago +3

      don't breed, no one needs you to have babies, sick fuck

  • Dev
    Dev 29 days ago

    WTF why do michael mcyntyre and dara obrian have the exam same jokes wtf

  • Less Waste KY Home
    Less Waste KY Home Month ago

    So this is a comedic bit about being scared your kid is developmentally delayed because they aren't meeting their language milestones. Huh.

  • Rebecca Anderson
    Rebecca Anderson Month ago +13

    My Mum worked for the army, we use Alpha zulu etc in my house, lol.

    • TheTradge
      TheTradge 25 days ago

      I always use the nato phonetics when trying to spell something on the phone like my surname or postcode, I was never in the army or police I just learned it for some reason =P

  • music video
    music video Month ago +3

    Q_Q lol Haha!....what would we do without the laughter clever comedians like this one brings to us by the truck-load?!! Made my night, pulling me out of a grand funk and lightening my soul with glee! THANK YOU, Mr McIntyre!

  • E K Daufin
    E K Daufin Month ago +1

    That didn’t happen

  • Christa Swint
    Christa Swint Month ago +87

    G for gnome. 😂🤣😂 I lost it!

  • E K Daufin
    E K Daufin Month ago +7

    Good idea! Hang around cars. 🤣

  • E K Daufin
    E K Daufin Month ago +3

    Would you like to meet my husband?

  • E K Daufin
    E K Daufin Month ago +4

    Sharing? You’re a thief!

  • Cashmeoutside Howbowdah

    Watched a bit. Suicide seems more fun

  • nafeesa inaaya Iqbal
    nafeesa inaaya Iqbal Month ago +19

    hes the best comedian by farrrrrrr

    CRESS Month ago +1

    Why is there a hashtag no Jews?

    • Mohammed Hussain
      Mohammed Hussain Month ago +1

      Look at the joke 05:04 then see what he says at 07:18

  • Debbie SB
    Debbie SB Month ago +1

    Worked for an airline. On our first day on the phones my co worker blanked and said v for vagina lol

  • Product reviewer uk
    Product reviewer uk Month ago +11

    Why do men love curry? It's shit I much prefer stir fry

  • anthony white
    anthony white Month ago +3

    This Guy (I'm sure he's nice) is a comedian for people who either can't or do not want to think.

    • Metusion
      Metusion 6 days ago

      just curious.. who would you think is a good comedian? one that doesn't go around cussing and using penis jokes?

    • Jamieeeboi PlayzZz
      Jamieeeboi PlayzZz 21 day ago

      Ballet is people dancing

    • Jacob Barid
      Jacob Barid 27 days ago

      Mohammed Hussain and acting is just saying lines

    • Jacob Barid
      Jacob Barid 27 days ago +2

      The joke police has arrived.

    • Mohammed Hussain
      Mohammed Hussain Month ago +7

      You’re probably a guy who thinks innovation is just science projects and Ballet is just people dancing

  • Darina Angelova
    Darina Angelova Month ago +5


  • pilanceboil
    pilanceboil Month ago +13

    Two likes if I could. That was brilliant!

  • cellogirl20
    cellogirl20 Month ago +14

    First you've got to set the house on fire then you've got to knock on the door... "fire department!" "Evacuate!"

  • Ashton Michael
    Ashton Michael Month ago +366

    Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo, Foxtrot, Golf, Hotel, India, Juliet, Kilo, Lima, Mike, November, Oscar, Papa, Quebec, Romeo, Sierra, Tango, Uniform, Victor, Whisky, Xray, Yankee, Zulu. For those wondering.

    • Nixxa of Maribor
      Nixxa of Maribor 17 days ago +1

      Omg I saw that and was like why is my work haunting me on my day off? xddd

    • Revolver Ocelot
      Revolver Ocelot 19 days ago +1

      Ashton Michael Maybe edit out your mistake?

    • Emily Norman
      Emily Norman 21 day ago

      Google. Is a thing.

    • Silver Fox
      Silver Fox 28 days ago +5

      Yes I was also a police officer before I resigned because they were mostly all wankers!

    • Ashton Michael
      Ashton Michael 29 days ago +2

      @Hello Nobody what the military alphabet is

  • Suzi Danielle Stewart
    Suzi Danielle Stewart Month ago +5

    Was the last joke stolen from Dara O'Briain cuz he did that joke but better ages ago. I also noticed a joke that Michael stole from Lee Evans once :/

    • Zo Kay
      Zo Kay 23 days ago

      Everything has been done.

    • car. A
      car. A 28 days ago

      Don't know. But he's used it a couple of times.

  • susan westerfield
    susan westerfield Month ago +108

    My grandson couldn't say top but he could say abacus. Go figure.

    • ixlnxs
      ixlnxs 5 days ago +1

      The running gag is that in wealthy families the first world babies are taught is prenuptial arrangements.

      Which is sort of true ;)

  • Des S
    Des S Month ago +5

    N for the N word.

  • Callum Macey
    Callum Macey Month ago +3

    4:25 the following joke was delivered wrong

    • Nick Winz
      Nick Winz 18 days ago

      He was trying to prove that the following joke was delivered wrong.

    • Tidgy
      Tidgy Month ago +5

      Correct, but who gives a shit... What you trying to prove with this comment?

  • conrad La Barrie
    conrad La Barrie Month ago


  • Saartje05
    Saartje05 Month ago +14

    In Dutch the 'g' isn't that difficult. G for Gerrit (man's name). Or gans, graat, groot and a LOT more ..

    • TheTradge
      TheTradge 25 days ago +1

      I am groot

    • Saartje05
      Saartje05 Month ago

      @Sims Machinema Ggggggggggèrrit

    • Sims Machinema
      Sims Machinema Month ago

      Ah but it's not pronounced "GARE-it" in Dutch it's "gHAIR-it"

    • dlwatib
      dlwatib Month ago

      G for GIF. Works in any language.

  • Saartje05
    Saartje05 Month ago +75

    The child of friends of mine was very quick with talking. When they took him to the doctor she asked them if he could already make small sentences, two or three words in a row. And their boy answered with. 'Mommy, what does that woman want from me?'

    • baby boobear
      baby boobear 5 days ago +3

      My kid was freakishly good at memorising random stuff she heard and when a friend and I took our kids through an echoey tunnel the kids started shouting "ECHO!" to hear their voices sounding back and my kid shouted "ECHO LOCATION DEVICE!!!" We were like wtf??! 😂 must've heard it on the TV. Precocious little shit.

    • Moira-Elena Perring Montoya
      Moira-Elena Perring Montoya Month ago +4

      Me as a baby!

  • Daniel Matthew Collins
    Daniel Matthew Collins Month ago +106

    why is this tagged "NoJews"

    • Bearded Emperor
      Bearded Emperor 28 days ago +2

      @soilgrasswaterair Unless, I dunno, someone was trying to look up this clip by searching "Michael McIntyre No Jews" because they don't memorise video titles like some kind of internet savant.

    • Mohammed Hussain
      Mohammed Hussain Month ago +2

      Look at the joke 05:04 then see what he says at 07:18

    • soilgrasswaterair
      soilgrasswaterair Month ago +2

      Ranz R by tagging it as such it’s to attract an audience who search such a thing which makes it dumb af because the joke wasn’t about that but about not being able to say juice and if you can’t see why it’s dumb af you need to read up!

    • bodiddly mitchell
      bodiddly mitchell Month ago +5

      I so wondered myself. Glad it's not what I thought.

    • Eleonore Bon
      Eleonore Bon Month ago +3


  • Maika
    Maika Month ago +377

    HE'S FRENCH!! 😂

  • nammoyosto -.-
    nammoyosto -.- Month ago +48

    m for mnemonic

    • Nick Winz
      Nick Winz 18 days ago

      P for Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis

  • Taylor
    Taylor Month ago +148

    The three dislikes are from the family whose child STOLE his kids toy head

  • Alex A.
    Alex A. Month ago +102

    NO JOOOS I'm dying xDDD

    • Aaron Barlow
      Aaron Barlow 5 days ago +1

      I was expecting him to lose his love of juice and say "I hate joooos" Lol

  • Game Maddness
    Game Maddness Month ago +37

    N for knowledge

  • John Largan
    John Largan Month ago +38


  • Eleisha Harvey
    Eleisha Harvey Month ago +49

    So weird hearing him swear

    • ixlnxs
      ixlnxs 5 days ago

      I prefer him without that language. Sounds stronger.

  • leticia1579
    leticia1579 Month ago +126

    When I was learning English as a child I had "x for x-ray" :D